Words of Affirmation

So as I mentioned, one of the things Daddy and I are doing is reading the "Five Love Languages" together.  Well, I read and he listens then he comments and we talk about it.

The first chapter that begins to talk about the actual love languages is one on "Words of Affirmation".  This is Daddy's number one love language, something that I could have guessed on my own.  I was surprised it turned out to be one of mine too.

Many years ago when I took the test it was not the case.  My primary love language was quality time and touch then.  This time those two AND words of affirmation all scored the same.  I think because Daddy and I are long distance and much of our "together time" is spent online, in Second Life, and by text, that words have become so much more important to hear.  In that virtual world or even if we had been on a forum, if you don't talk you don't really "exist".  Text chat is the sole or primary method of communication. So anyway, this was a good chapter for us to start on.

Daddy and I had kind of stumbled on words of affirmation ourselves some months ago. We were having a bad day and all of a sudden he asks me, "Can you just say ONE thing that I am doing right?"  That made me take a mental step back.  I realized that even though he does good things for me every day, in the day to day I forget to tell him.  Bad babygirl!

There are numerous dialects under each love language, meaning there are many ways to express that particular language.  Compliments, encouraging words, kind words and humble words all fall under the language of Words of Affirmation.

Daddy and I have talked about  it and we need to not only remember to say all those good words to each other but also to stop the negative words.  We need to stop yelling at each other when we fight and calm down and listen to each other more.

Many months ago friend of mine, who is a Dom that I respect very much, suggested that we come up with a 2nd safe word.  This one was not for play time but specifically when we are arguing.  Either one of us can use it when we need the other to back off.  KOOLAID to us means to retreat to your corners for 10 minutes.  You can lie down, watch tv, play a game.  You just can't say anything to the other person for 10 minutes.

We both had a hard time even remembering to use it at first.  When we are going at it neither one of us wanted to stop what we were saying.  We are using it more but it is still hard to come to a complete stop sometimes, but we are getting better, kind of. *giggles*

We've also promised each other to stop swearing and using bad words TOWARDS each other.  That one will be easier for me since I only use one swear word with any regularity.  That word is "shit".  Daddy though brings out the potty mouth in me and I do drop a few F-bombs when we fight and I get extremely mad.  Only with him though.  Daddy on the other hand uses it regularly was part of his normal vocabulary.  He can say it any other time except when we are arguing, so we'll see how that goes.

Words of Affirmation.  We are using them more and looking forward to the next chapter.

All the things Daddy is!

Smoochie says you are all amazing and we thank you for stopping in!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

GROW WITH ME DADDY

I'm really trying to get organized so that I can write here more.  I really am.  Things just always seem to come up.  Then because I don't write regularly, when I do, I have so many things I want to touch on and I can't decide what is more important at the moment so I get discouraged.

The good news is that Daddy found a job and he's going to be moving closer to me!   A little over an hour away now!  Yay!!!!! *does the happy dance*  I will get to see him way more often and we can finally start the next part of our journey...finding out if we are compatible in the real world too.

Things have been like a roller coaster.  Thanksgiving is always hectic.  Put that together with my oldest son being sick since school started and me getting really sick the weekend before and it was a recipe for disaster.  Thanksgiving day itself was actually pretty good.  We don't have TV but Daddy found a place online where I could watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Even though we could never sync it to be watching the same thing at the same time, we at least got to talk about it and I got to see some of my favorite balloons including the hippo and Pikachu!

My younger son set the oven 100 degrees too high for the turkey.  After the first hour, the outside was looking done and I was thinking WTH?  We turned it down 25 degrees lower than it was supposed to be and to be honest, it was probably the juiciest turkey I've ever had.  So he was redeemed.

Anyway, I was sick and couldn't talk for nearly a week.  It was almost 2 weeks before I began to sound normal.  My left ankle was bothering me and my right foot was swollen and I was in extreme pain and having to take my prescription meds, which I hate.  They make me weird and plain cranky.  Frustration set in and Daddy and I had a HUGE...MAJOR...EARTHSHAKING... blow up with each other this past weekend.  Saturday was the most miserable day I've had in years. I was shrill and upset and basically being a b**ch to him.  He was major grumpy and yelling and screaming and swearing.

This went on ALL day, from mid-morning until we finally both went to bed at 3 am.  Even after we made up, I still felt raw and "off".  I felt like something was really broken this time and didn't know what so didn't know how to fix it.  Sunday was a day full of anxiety and panic for me.

We have been talking and we've started something we call "coffeetime".  In the morning, usually, we spend time together online planning our day and stuff.  One of the things we are also doing is that I read to him.  Right now we are reading from "The Five Love Languages".  I read out loud and then we discuss the chapter I've read and how it applies to us.

Yesterday was eye opening for me.  The topic was being "in love" vs "loving someone".  "In love" is the euphoric feeling a good new relationship brings.  You would do anything for the other person and they are perfect for you.  Things come easily and naturally.  You go out of your way, whether you realize it or not, to put your good side forward. Some call it the "honeymoon stage"

Daddy and I have been in a relationship most of 3.5 years now.  That euphoric feeling is fading some.  We tend to do more just talking and cuddling and being together than the raw passionate, intimate stuff.  S--E--X, for those that need it spelled out.  Worry wart that I am, I have been mulling over this (and not in a good way).  I was of the mind that it is "In love" then "falling out of love".  Was daddy falling out of love with me?  Was I now boring him because we knew each other so well?

In the book it says when the "in love" period is over then we have two choices...leave the relationship or work at it.  This is when it takes a conscious effort to make the other person happy.  You don't always do it because YOU want it or it benefits you but simply because it makes them happy and you love them enough to do that for them.  I've seen such a change in Daddy in the last year but mostly in the last 6-8 months.  He tries so hard.  He listens.  He more readily apologizes.  He's not always so defensive right out of the gate.  He makes concessions that I know he isn't 100% happy about but can live with because  it makes ME happy.  He's also taken more of an interest in MY well being too.  Rules are set that simply benefit and encourage ME.

A lot of our fights are because of my insecurities.  This gave me a whole new perspective on us.  He's not falling out of love with me!  He loves me...period.  He's trying to make things right.  He's trying to put a good strong foundation in place so as we move to being more together and physically in the same place, we have a fighting chance at making this work.  That bit of knowledge freed up a lot of anxiety for me.  It's not all gone but a good portion of it is.

So Daddy (he's taken to finally reading what I write too) thank you and I love you.  Things aren't perfect and I know they never will be.  I don't think I want them to be because we'd be bored. LOL  It makes my heart happy that you love me enough to try so hard.

He never gives up on me!  Oh!  And with HIS encouragement, I'm down 7 lbs!  Not a huge change yet for me but moving in the right direction!

Smoochie says he likes it when I'm happy.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

A CLEAN SLATE

New clean slate!  I've not posted in nearly a year.  I've written 2 or 3 times but never posted, so it's time to just start clean.

It's been a busy busy year.  Found a little bit of work, not much but enough to keep us afloat sort of.

So the reason this blog exists at all.  Boss Daddy is gone and has been for over a year.  I don't even hear from him anymore.  Daddy H is now my only daddy and he is now my full-time forever daddy.  It has been a tumultuous time but things are so much better now and we are finally in a really good place.

I belong to babygirl and other groups on Facebook, Fetlife and Tumblr.  Even just the vanilla people will post about how if you are not treated like X, Y and Z, to run the other way.  I can see how this is good advice and one that should be considered BUT are they also passing a message that if someone is not perfect, they are not good?  Or that a relationship isn't hard and that we don't have to work at it?

I was afraid to tell anyone what trials we were gong through because I knew I'd hear the same things from them and they'd look down on Daddy.  The turning point came one night as I was chatting with a friend, who is a Dom and whom I respect very much.  I told him how deeply Daddy affected me from the moment I had entered the same "room" with him.  I told him we were having some hard times and that all anyone ever said was to leave.  He told me that if I felt that strongly and that deeply, then I needed to see where it would lead.  What a relief to hear!

It has not been easy.  There have been a lot of tears, a lot of fights.  I had to put most of my sub side away for awhile.  (Not the babygirl, she is too much a part of me, but I did have to wear my big girl pants more often)  There has also been a lot of growth in both of us.  A lot more understanding of each other and what makes us tick and what our needs are.

We are finally getting back to our places, him as Master, me as sub/slave.  We are always Daddy and babygirl but I am craving the other part more and more.  We have set our first task list and are working on that.

Does anyone have any suggestions or pointers to help me or us get back into sub mode?

We are, mostly, at peace.

Smoochie says hello everyone!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

SALE! 20% OFF

I know I've been AWOL lately...okay maybe that's putting it mildly but life has been so busy.  I promise an update soon.

Just wanted to share the Christmas sale at my Etsy site.

Just in time for Christmas!  Babygirl bracelets and more!  Plus sizes too!

Spend $25 or more and get 20% off with code MERRY

If you have a special request, Send me a message and I'll see what I can do!

Smoochie says he misses everyone!

::: (\_(\

*: (=’ :’) :*

•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

20% OFF MY ETSY SHOP

I'm having a sale at my Etsy shop.  From now until November 1, 2014 you can save 20% off any purchase of $20 or more (not including shipping).  Just use the code FALL20 and you are on your way!

More Pictures Here

Bracelets come in varying sizes to fit from children to plus sizes.  Check the items description.

::: (\_(\

*: (=’ :’) :*

•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

OH HAPPY DAY!

It can happen and it does.  Most things are pretty much the same as far as looking for a job and all but this post is about the one amazing thing that has changed!

Most of you know that I am in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) with my Daddies.  We are not as long distance as a year ago when I was living in Arizona.  Now they are only about 5 hours away but it's still a good distance.

Daddy H and I have been together for over two years with a break of about 2.5 months in the middle.  Boss Daddy and I have only been together since February but we've known each other much longer than that.  Daddy H and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary of being friends and our one year anniversary of being back together last month.

Yesterday, for the very very first time ever, I got to meet Daddy H face to face!  I was so excited!  I wanted to go up the night before but he was getting in late and since I can't drive in the dark, he didn't want me waiting around for him in my car in a dark parking lot so we decided I should just drive up in the morning and we could spend the morning together before he had to attend his class,which is the reason he was in the area.

I left as soon as the sky started to lighten up but got caught in rush hour traffic and a trip that should have taken half an hour by Google map standards, so 20 minutes by my driving, ended up taking and hour and 15 min and I stressed most of the way!

I did get there though and got to look my Daddy in the eye!  I got to kiss him and hold him and feel the stubble on his cheek and smell him! Did I cry?  Do you even have to ask?  I cry at everything.  I cry when I'm sad and when I'm mad and when I'm happy so yes!  We had breakfast together and then got to snuggle and talk and I didn't want to leave.  He is everything I expected and more.

I did get a spanking because I had been bad the night before and started a fight with him.  Was my first ever since I was a child!  I learned something new about myself.  I liked the belt!  With his hand the impact is there and then gone but the belt after impact kind of caresses you as it is pulled back again and to me it was a very sensual feeling. *blushes*

Anyway I got off track.  I got to see my Daddy!  *Does the happy dance*  We had a chance to really bond.  My commitment is deeper now than ever and a lot of the fears I was dealing with are gone. I was so afraid he'd not like me once we met.  I'm neither young, nor beautiful and far from skinny or even pleasantly plump.  I had someone else in my life who did not like the fact that I wasn't skinny, even though I never hid that fact from him, so I was really scared to be rejected again.

Daddy H loves me just like I am!  I think we have a stronger bond now.  I got to look in his eyes and be in his arms when he said "I love you."  He said he was nervous too.  I don't know why, I would have loved him no matter what.

We got 3.5 hours together then it was time for him to go to class so we had to say good bye.  He hugged and kissed me and said, "don't you dare cry." He knows me too well.  I said I wouldn't till I got to my car and I was a good girl and didn't until I started the car then i cried all the way home.  Some happy tears, some very sad tears.  I don't know when I will get to see him again but hopefully it won't be too long.  *Screams and wiggles and does the happy dance again*

I got to see my DADDY!

Smoochie thinks I'm silly but he's secretly happy too!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

On Daddies and Fathers

Daddy H and I celebrated one whole year back in his collar last night.  He is such an amazing man.  When I first met him, his attitude was "I don't change for anyone, if you don't like it then kiss my a**".  Which is true in a lot of ways, people who love you should love you just the way you are.  However to see the changes in him and knowing they are because he wants to change for me, that is a precious thing.  He is truly becoming the daddy that my heart always wanted and needed.  When i need comforting, he is the only one I want.  He has stopped being so defensive and has started to really listen and therefore is able to soothe instead of stir up more emotions.

Boss Daddy is back for a couple weeks.  He's on vacation and will need to head back East and maybe off shore after that.  I heard from him yesterday and am hoping to see him online tonight.

I am in a lot of pain today.  Starting a couple of years ago my left foot occasionally swells up and gets painful.  I've been to an orthopedic surgeon.  They found some osteoarthritis in that ankle and recommended not to do any walking for exercise nor having a job that had me on my feet or walking all the time.  It used to flair up every few months but I've not had an episode in over a year.  Today, I can barely walk.  I need to lean on the kids to just get between my desk and the bathroom which is just five feet away.  Vicodin and Percocet don't usually touch the pain, nevertheless, I have taken half of one.  Too much makes me sick to my stomach though I've taken and may take as many as two at a time if I need it.  I am starting to feel the effects and hope I get through walking the kids through making dinner before I float away.

First a disclaimer for those that are not in the lifestyle.  The majority of baby girls DO NOT have issues with their real fathers.  I always loved mine and was proud of him even though he was very strict.  I never felt like I was good enough at anything I did in his eyes though.  Then seven years ago when I decided to divorce my husband, I went to him for a small loan to pay a divorce attorney.  That's when he told me that I was stupid and should stick it out because my then husband made good money.  He followed that by saying, you have dug a hole now you will never get out of and I know you are never going to make anything of yourself in this world.  I walked out.  He then proceeded to lie to the courts and helped my husband take my kids away to "teach me a lesson" for not doing as he said.  Since I had no attorney, I lost them for two years until my ex came to his senses and sent them back to me.

I tried once to make up with my father but got shot down again.  I vowed that day to never let him hurt me again.  I've not talked to him in more than five years.  He does not contact his grandsons even though they send him emails for things like Fathers Day.  They have their own email accounts and cell phones but never hear from him.  They don't say much but I know they feel sad that he has forgotten about them.

Today I sent him an email.  Partly to finally say what I needed to about finding out that the family that I though would always be there turned out not to be but mostly to tell him that I have always loved him.  He will be 78 this fall so I'm not sure how many more years he'll be here but I felt the need to let him know that no matter what, and even when I hated what he had done, I never stopped loving him.

I will not ever contact him again.  I've said my piece and I need to move on.  I feel sorry for him sometimes.  He has the admiration of the community where he lives but has alienated 3 out of his 4 daughters.  My youngest sister still spends time with him but that is the kind of person she is.  Family means everything, as it should.  I guess I'm not as good as she is.

Life goes on.  Now it's my turn to try and be happy.

Smoochie says to hug your family today.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C