SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING (SO ARE THE OTHER DAYS OF THE WEEK)

I am still around and still looking for that ever elusive job.  Have any of you ever been to one of those gold sellers?  I have, twice. Once before I moved, once this past weekend.  I was lucky to have found two great places.  Know your stuff before you go.  There are online calculators.  I weighed mine on a kitchen scale then put it into the calculator.  Both times I got nearly 80% of worth which is a good deal.  Amazing how just a little bit adds up.  Gives me a little breathing room, just a tiny bit for a couple weeks at least.

I spoke to a very very good friend of mine.  She pulled herself out of the trenches when she was a young mother and made a name for herself in her field.  Read that as very very successful.  She got laid off almost 2 years ago and cannot find work.  She has the credentials and background.  People know her work but she is over 50.  Jobs go to younger applicants.  If someone like that cannot find a job, what kind of hope do I have?  No recent job history (not since 1995 really), no degree and over 50.  I've come to believe that I really need to look outside of the traditional jobs.  I am still looking and applying but concentrating my efforts elsewhere too.

Anyone looking for someone to do clerical work, voice over work?  I can do transcription and I can customize and design basic websites using Wordpress.  Those are some things I am trying.  Also looking for some musicians to maybe do some live gigs, working on my book and going to be doing some recording and getting some mp3's for sale.  I hope something hits soon.

On the relationship front (yeah I know I'm all over today but I realize I haven't posted in quite a while) things are going reasonably well. Daddy H and I are doing a lot better most of the time.  for a man who always said he would not change for anyone, he has been doing quite a bit of changing.  I see it in him and it makes me smile.  We still fight like cats and dogs sometimes but I am starting to think that it will always be part of who we are.  I think it actually turns him on when I fight back.

We were having a very loud discussion...okay we were yelling at each other...on the phone a couple of weeks ago.  We were both talking over each other and kept saying stop interrupting and let me talk.  Finally I got frustrated and yelled out, "Will you just SHUT UP!"  Daddy H got silent for a second then said "Ooooo" and started talking in his sexy voice.  I had to laugh and it diffused the fight and we finished amicably.  It will always be part of our dynamic.  I am typically a very docile sub but Daddy H really does enjoy the bratty side and so I've been letting her out more often and we are both happier.

Boss Daddy is still busy as heck at work.  He texts every day, calls every couple of days and manages to come online once or twice a week.  He is trying and knows we need to do something to feel better connected.  I don't feel "owned" anymore and that is a problem for me.  So we are trying to find ways to keep connected in the day to day, even when he can't be around much.  Do any of you have any suggestions or can you tell me what you do, especially if you are in a LDR?  I told him I would collect some ideas and email them and he could think about what he thinks he could handle,.  I don't want to make things harder for him or have him make promises that he can't fulfill right now, that would just lead to hurt feelings and fighting.  This way we would start slow.  I just need to see some movement and not going backwards.

So feel free to comment or PM me your suggestions.  I have been reading blogs even if I've not had the energy to comment lately.

Smoochie says it's nap time so ... MWAHHHH!


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*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

HANGING ON

I'm down with the crud again.  I guess it could be allergies but it feels like the crud.  Kids didn't get sick this time though.  I feel like I am breathing underwater. I will have to hit the doctor in a couple of days if this keeps up.

Life.  So life has been interesting.  The struggle to survive continues.  Bills get paid mostly.  I do have a storage unit that i have had for the last 5 years that I cannot afford to pay for.  It is in California and I can't afford to have the things shipped to me either so my guess is that I will lose everything in it.  Most of the stuff I don't care about.  The kids' old toys, some household decorations, a few pieces of artwork.  I am hoping someone will go and grab the bins of pictures though.  Pictures of my daughter when she was young and of the boys.  Old friends, keepsakes...that sort of thing.  I asked my sister to go or to send one of my nephews but they have been too busy the past few weeks.  I'm hoping soon and before the place locks them out.

The daddies are doing well.  Boss Daddy is nearly well but first was playing catch up at work after having been out with pneumonia, then the storms hit and they have been scrambling to make repairs and stuff. I miss him as I don't get to see him very often.  We text and he calls every few days if he can.

Daddy H and I still have this volatile relationship.  When things are good they are really really good and when they are not good, well, it plain sucks.  He has been putting in more of an effort sometimes.  I've watched him grow and change a bit.  At the same time, he has periods where I become nearly non existent.  He will send me IM's online but I don't get to "see" him or spend one-on-one time with him.  We are in one of those periods now.  I told him last night that we could stay friends but he needed to let me go.  He said no.  That is the very very short story.  We argued for over five hours.  He finally conceded that he neded to make a bigger effort and that things needed to change , at least a little. So we will see.  I love him, deeply, so I am willing to give him another chance as long as we are moving forward and not backward.

Recently I have gotten several PM's at Fetlife.  While the occasional one is polite and respectful there are others there who need a lesson in etiquette.  To them I have posted two new pages.  You can find them here and here.  They are some things that need to be said given some recent occurrences.

That is a lot of writing for one day!  PHew!  I am out for now.

Smoochie sends some loving your way!


::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!

Things have just been going to hell in a hand basket...

I wrote the above line five days ago. Since then I've been to hell and back several times.  I am still alive, still here.  Things have gotten so busy and not in a good way (read...I've not found a job yet)

Boss Daddy has walking pneumonia.  He finally got himself to the doctor but is taking a long time to get better.  He is up and about though and now trying to play catch up at work.

Daddy H is, well Daddy H.  I alternate almost hourly between loving him to death and wanting to be the cause of his death.  It is such a long convoluted story, I don't think I could write it out if I wanted to.  To top things off, Boss Daddy and Daddy H weren't talking to each other.  Yup they had a BIG blowup.  So I had to put on my big girl panties ( those are worse than granny panties) and stop in and fix everything.

I've been playing Alpha for almost two weeks now and I hate it.  Brings back all the bad things about my marriage.  When I turn my alpha female on everyone better watch out.  I don't take any stuffs from anyone, ask my kids.

Last night I had a big melt down.  Couldn't do it anymore.  So the two of them finally made up today.  Thank heaven.  Not even my kids expect me to be grown up all the time.

So hoping I can get back t just stressing about finances and stuff like that.  I am trying to be back to posting more regularly and also finding time to visit some of my fav blogs.  Hope to see you around soon.

Smoochie says he's glad to be back too!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

The Time Warp

I've been busy and pouting and sleep deprived.  This time changing stuff always messes me up.  It didn't feel as late as it was so I ended up going to bed after 6 am on Sunday morning.  Needless to say I was out of it on Sunday and then got my 2nd wind and stayed up until almost 5 am.  The only good thing about the change is that it is light later in the day so I can be out running errands and get home before dark since I can't drive in the dark any more.

This past weekend was a lonely one for me.  The Daddies were at a dog show and forgot to tell me that they were going.  They are usually good at it but didn't realize until later that they hadn't said anything.  So I was unprepared for being totally alone this weekend.  Luckily I had busy work to do.  I got one of the new websites completely up and built.  Yay me and it looks good, if I do say so myself.

It has taken me 3 days to write this so far.  I am so far into babygirl mode that it is making it hard to concentrate.

 *Wanders off*

My Favorite is #9!

Ok now three hours later, I'm determined to finish this post.  So back to my Daddies...They were gone for the weekend and even though they are back, they have a huge activism event they are handling so although I get to talk to them some, We have spent much time together this week.  Daddy H and I are fighting again.  I think he likes it when I fight with him, he said once it makes him horny.  That combined with the fact that I haven't been able to have a decent snuggle with Boss Daddy, has me in perpetual little mode..  I did get some clay work done in preparation for putting together some jewelry whenever the rest of the supplies get here but have not been able to do any real work.

Add the kids to all that too since it is spring break here this week and ...sighs.  I really need to find a way to buckle down and make some money this month.

Oh oh oh!  I did get one bit of decent news!  Boss Daddy is trying to get off for a weekend next month and maybe come visit me!  Yay!!  I hope he can make it work!

Ok excitement is over and I think I am ready for bed.

Smoochie is keeping the blankets warm...Not.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

ALMOST AWAKE

Okay, I am back to being an adult.  Oh who am I kidding, I'm never really an adult any more.  I'm back to not being so emotional I guess is a good way to put it.  I had quite a bit of support from the people at Fetlife  and it made me feel a lot better.  Daddy R made sure to tell me that I was his through and through and that I belong to him and Daddy H and no one else gets to have me.  That made me feel much better too.

I am down to a quarter dose of Zoloft as of tonight.  I got no work done this past week.  I did do my taxes but that was only because Turbotax asks one question and a time and I can save and walk away from it whenever i wish and I did, frequently.  Mostly I've just been headache-y and confused.    Yesterday and today weren't bad though but we start again with the lower dose tonight.  Hopefully it will all soon be over.

I downloaded this app for my phone.  It's called Binality and basically plays binaural beats.  I don't know a lot about them and I might get this wrong but these beats carry different frequencies or something and can help with all kinds of stuff from insomnia to pain relief.  You are supposed to listen with stereo headphones but i don't, I just play it on my phone which i then place on my night stand.  I don't know if it really works but I have been falling asleep faster and sleeping better.  Also I have started dreaming again, something that I haven't done for a long time except for an occasional one here and there.

I'd love to dream this!  Hello Topiary by Eric Joyner

*Took a sleep break when I passed out at my desk, then couldn't get up this morning, sighs.  So again 12 hours later, we continue...*

Except now I have no idea what I was going to say.

Daddy H and I got into another one of our fights this weekend.  That man gets so defensive sometimes.  When we fight it is for stupid things, things that would not be an issue if he kept me up to date on stuff going on.  This time though, Daddy R jumped in and mediated.  He listened to me and told Daddy H that he had better do the same and also to talk to me nicer.  Of course I got a lecture too but then nice snuggles after.

One wonderful thing did happen this weekend though.  Daddy R called me on the phone!  I got to talk to him and hear his voice and other stuff.  *Grins*  I also have his cell phone number now so I can text him whenever I want!  Boy is he gonna be sorry!  Daddy H said that his friend has been burned a few times and would take awhile before he would trust enough to give me his number and he was surprised it happened so soon.  Now I can text him good morning and good night and reach him before I get into another fight.

Anyway, I am falling asleep again.  I can't wait until this is over, hopefully in another 10 days or so.

Smoochie is waiting and sends his love.

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*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

PLEASE PASS THE

Geritol!  I need some Geritol!

If you remember that then you are showing your age!  I slept most of the day yesterday, even almost missed a show.  Didn't even manage to eat dinner.  I am lucky the kids can fend for themselves now and then.  They had cheese quesadillas and chili.

Even today, I feel groggy and unfocused.  I still sent out at least a dozen applications/resumes.  I hope my befuddled mind didn't mess anything up too badly.  I've expanded my search out to 25 miles from home.  Not sure if going any further than that is cost effective, so hoping I get a few bites within that radius.

I did get on the government site for healthcare.  Wasn't a good idea today.  It just made it extra frustrating.  so it goes like this.  I can't get Medicaid and I don't make enough to qualify for reduced premiums.  What?  So the poor get screwed again.  I guess I get to pay more than my income for health insurance.

Daddy and I are arguing again, kinda.  He called me on the way to work this morning then had to hang up because of traffic.  I've not heard from him since.  I don't know what is up with us.  If he's still mad or if he even still wants me any more.  I am just lonely.

I was so bored that I went over to Fetlife and opened an account.  Spent the evening just looking around.  I am shy until I get to know people.  I'll probably just lurk for awhile and see what goes on.

I hope you all had a good Monday.  I am going to bed.

Smoochie waves good night!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

CHRISTMAS RECAP AND A TEST

We survived another Christmas.  I guess it wasn't too bad.  The kids seemed to enjoy it even if it was a a lean Christmas.  They had good food, which is an important part of any event for them.

Even through my sadness we baked butter shortbread cookies, made egg muffins (2 kinds) for Christmas breakfast and then a spiral ham for Christmas Dinner.

Egg Muffins - 2 Kinds!

Right about the time the clock switched from the 25th to the 26th I heard from Daddy H.  After a lot of back and forth and some strong emotions, we finally got back on the same page and made up.  He has been more attentive today so I appreciate that and hope it keeps up.  Makes me so much happier.

Out of boredom and the need to do something creative today, I started a Facebook page to go with this blog.  This post is actually a test to see if it will automatically post to my FB account.

Here is a great picture from a page that I follow in FB.  Go visit them at Confession of a Curvy Girl

I love this!  A good one to post on the wall for New Years!

Smoochie says good night and keep your fingers crossed that this gets to FB!

 ::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C