THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD

I know I've not posted in forever. I have a million excuses of course. the kids are home for the summer. I'm stressed about income since there is none. Concentrating on making said income. Working through things with the Daddies.

Daddy H and I have been going around and around. He is of the school that says..."I tell you I love you so you should know I do." Well yeah and it's nice to hear, I mean I really do love hearing you say it but you have to show me too. I think after weeks of this, he has finally gotten it. We had a long talk a couple nights ago and for once he stopped talking and listened. He really is a changed man though. 18 mos ago he was more self centered. Now he's wanting to work on things, wanting to change so that I am happier. He is a lot warmer now and I like him better as a person than I did before. I always loved him and still do but I can see he's making an effort even if it takes a while to sink in.

Boss Daddy is still busy with work and I still don't hear much from him some days. He has been trying harder to stay in touch though. I told him to at least say good morning and good night when he has service, sometimes he's out in the boonies and doesn't . It's kind of scary when I think about it. He also has started to set tasks and things for me to do. I've not found a job and I have all these ideas about making money, so many that a lot of times my thoughts are scattered and I jump from thing to thing and nothing really gets done. Boss Daddy decided that I should concentrate on making my jewelry and stuff and not only get my Etsy shop open but see if the gift shops in the area would purchase or take some pieces on consignment. So I've been cranking stuff out. Here's some of what I have ready to go.  (Don't pay any attention to my messy desk please.)

Babygirl Candy stick bracelets.

Close up

Some kawaii charms

Hinged top stash vials

Two other bracelet designs

I hope something comes through soon. I will post when my Etsy shop is open and of course you can check my adult shop at Nicest Naughties. I think I will run another sale soon so watch for the discount code! Next post I'll tell you about the rainbow lasagna I made.

Smoochie says he's happy to be back.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING (SO ARE THE OTHER DAYS OF THE WEEK)

I am still around and still looking for that ever elusive job.  Have any of you ever been to one of those gold sellers?  I have, twice. Once before I moved, once this past weekend.  I was lucky to have found two great places.  Know your stuff before you go.  There are online calculators.  I weighed mine on a kitchen scale then put it into the calculator.  Both times I got nearly 80% of worth which is a good deal.  Amazing how just a little bit adds up.  Gives me a little breathing room, just a tiny bit for a couple weeks at least.

I spoke to a very very good friend of mine.  She pulled herself out of the trenches when she was a young mother and made a name for herself in her field.  Read that as very very successful.  She got laid off almost 2 years ago and cannot find work.  She has the credentials and background.  People know her work but she is over 50.  Jobs go to younger applicants.  If someone like that cannot find a job, what kind of hope do I have?  No recent job history (not since 1995 really), no degree and over 50.  I've come to believe that I really need to look outside of the traditional jobs.  I am still looking and applying but concentrating my efforts elsewhere too.

Anyone looking for someone to do clerical work, voice over work?  I can do transcription and I can customize and design basic websites using Wordpress.  Those are some things I am trying.  Also looking for some musicians to maybe do some live gigs, working on my book and going to be doing some recording and getting some mp3's for sale.  I hope something hits soon.

On the relationship front (yeah I know I'm all over today but I realize I haven't posted in quite a while) things are going reasonably well. Daddy H and I are doing a lot better most of the time.  for a man who always said he would not change for anyone, he has been doing quite a bit of changing.  I see it in him and it makes me smile.  We still fight like cats and dogs sometimes but I am starting to think that it will always be part of who we are.  I think it actually turns him on when I fight back.

We were having a very loud discussion...okay we were yelling at each other...on the phone a couple of weeks ago.  We were both talking over each other and kept saying stop interrupting and let me talk.  Finally I got frustrated and yelled out, "Will you just SHUT UP!"  Daddy H got silent for a second then said "Ooooo" and started talking in his sexy voice.  I had to laugh and it diffused the fight and we finished amicably.  It will always be part of our dynamic.  I am typically a very docile sub but Daddy H really does enjoy the bratty side and so I've been letting her out more often and we are both happier.

Boss Daddy is still busy as heck at work.  He texts every day, calls every couple of days and manages to come online once or twice a week.  He is trying and knows we need to do something to feel better connected.  I don't feel "owned" anymore and that is a problem for me.  So we are trying to find ways to keep connected in the day to day, even when he can't be around much.  Do any of you have any suggestions or can you tell me what you do, especially if you are in a LDR?  I told him I would collect some ideas and email them and he could think about what he thinks he could handle,.  I don't want to make things harder for him or have him make promises that he can't fulfill right now, that would just lead to hurt feelings and fighting.  This way we would start slow.  I just need to see some movement and not going backwards.

So feel free to comment or PM me your suggestions.  I have been reading blogs even if I've not had the energy to comment lately.

Smoochie says it's nap time so ... MWAHHHH!


::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...

Well some things are going well indeed and other things just suck.  Still not been able to find work and my accounts are empty.  I'm stressing so badly and now sure how I'm covering this coming month's bills.  The state sent me a nice little letter about having no car insurance.  WTH?  I'm behind like a month in payments but don't think the company has terminated me yet.  Matter of fact, they just sent me a ne notice and new cards.  Problem is when they call the company to verify, not sure what they will be told so I need to find a way to cover last month and this month's bills too.

I've been thinking about this whole phone sex thing.  I wouldn't mind doing it and supposedly you can bring in some good money.  I've been told I have a sexy bedroom type of voice.  Of course nothing can be simple for me.  The two top reputable companies both require what they call "a landline" phone.  I know this means one that plugs into the phone jack and not the digital one I have from Vonage.  The hurdle I've run into is that I have not been able to find out who does that type of phone service here in this town.  Everything I look up is digital.  Time Warner, ATT, Verizon, Grande...they all offer digital phone service.  I even called the apartment office here and asked and they don't know either.  I am waiting for an email back from the phone sex companies but who knows how long that will be?

I just celebrated my 23rd birthday (for the 32nd time).  Sucks getting older.  My mom said, "Oh my you are catching up to me!"  Thanks Mom.  I got to see my Daddies for maybe 10 minutes each.  One is out of town for work and the other is still sick but playing catch up at work too for all the time he missed.  My sister sent a text, well one of them did.  the other I think is still in China but she typically wouldn't say anything even if she wasn't.  I got to talk to my daughter on Skype which was nice.  My boys are so sweet, they both made me cards, all on their own.  All together it was a pretty ordinary day.  Except for dinner!  I made this....



It was wonderful, I even cheated a bit and had a little rice.  The rice wasn't as good as I thought it would be so I didn't eat it all or have seconds.  They boys enjoyed theirs though.  My youngest has dropped 18 lbs and the oldest about 15 lbs.  So now I'm teaching them moderation.

I am tired but want to post something so I'm cutting this short due to lack of thinking.

Smoochie says for me to go to bed!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

Life has taken an interesting turn of events lately. No job yet but I've been making a decent amount doing odd jobs here and there.  Time will tell if it will continue and be enough to at least cover all the bills.

I've started back low carbing.  I lost a lot of weight doing Somercize back in 2001, then I got pregnant.  I kept about 75% of the weight off for a long time.  Then about four years ago, I got really sick...":women stuff" but it left me severely anemic.  I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat and sleep.  My weight climbed back up again.

I tried low carb, Somercize,  Weight Watchers, gluten free.  I did all of them religiously for weeks and lost nothing.  Last year, about this time, Daddy and I were having a rough time and I'd go 24-36 hours without eating anything.  I was so depressed and I was having anxiety attacks on top of it all.  I dropped about 25 lbs in three months.  Finally the anxiety got so bad i had to go to the doctor.  She put me on meds.  At the same time, she discovered I was newly diabetic.  So more meds for that.  I am doing well and ready to hop back on the weight loss bandwagon again.

I am dragging the kids with me this time.  They eat entirely too many carbs.  Before you all scream, I am not taking away all their carbs.  Breakfast they eat half at home, half at school.  While they are home they stick with protein.  Ham or turkey and cheese.  I can't control what the school serves but the boys are learning to make better choices.  Chili and cornbread vs corndogs.  Dinner is low carb.  Meats and tons of non starchy veggies.  They were eating about 3-4 cups of rice EACH at dinner time.  I do have whole grain bread, brown rice and sweet potatoes for a touch of carbs on the weekend for them too.  It has been two days now and so far no complaints so we will see how it goes.

The biggest thing that has happened is in my personal life with Daddy.  Those who follow know that Daddy works long hours and sometimes is out in the field and doesn't even have cell phone coverage.  I miss him so much when he's gone and he's gone a LOT.  So we had a talk and he said he was assigning me a babysitter..  His best friend was going to keep me from being lonely and be my protector.  I talk to his best friend from time to time and he's a nice guy so I said okay.  Daddy is afraid he was going to lose me if I was lonely all the time.  He was right, I was thinking about it.  We have spent some quality time together.  I am loving the cuddles and conversation, among other things.  I clear things with Daddy.  He encourages our closeness and it has brought him and I closer too.  So I have my Daddy and I have my Master now.  Daddy is both Daddy and my Master.  Master is my Master and babysitter but NOT my Daddy.

Feeling the Love

I know it's kind of weird and I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't like it but right now, it seems to be working for us.  I am happier, more centered and I feel loved by both of them.

Well bedtime for me.  I think i caught the kid's crud again.

Smoochie waves good night!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C