Cake and Sodomy

I done did it!  After days of procrastinating, another couple of days of just being fuzzy and trying to make things harder than they are, I finally have a second blog up!  This one will remain as is .  This is my "journey" blog.  It's adult so I don't have to watch what I say and it is definitely not vanilla.

(BTW I've been using song titles as my post titles the last few posts.  This one well it kind of sums up my two blogs.  It's by Marilyn Manson.  I've never heard it.)

This new blog will be a place for the general public.  A place to share recipes and other things I've found.  I wanted them separate so that people would not be squeamish about following me there.  I will post here when I put up a new post there but will not do it the other way around.  This blog is more my heart and soul and the other one will be more what I do when I am dragging my feet about getting any real work done.

So go visit me at  YUMMY STUFFIES FOR THE TUMMY and More!

It is spring!  Go visit www.abento.net

It is warming up here and we are glad to see that spring is here finally!  Things on the home front here have been mostly good.  The Daddies are both really really busy at work.  Boss Daddy might be in line for a promotion!  Yay him!  Plus this being an election year nor something, they both have their hands full with their groups locally.   They are  both political activists.  To add more chaos to that, this weekend they have another dog show to go to so they are out of town.  Boss Daddy has been pretty good about keeping in touch even though they've been on the road and I even heard from Daddy H too.  As a matter of fact, they both called me at the same time when they were driving.

Boss Daddy has been a great addition to our family.  He really is our family now.  Not only does he try to go out of his way to make sure that I am happy but he is teaching Daddy H how to be a better Daddy and a better Master.  He is so patient with me, especially when I am down and on edge.  The big me understands when times get busy, things have to be put on hold.  The little me only understands that she is lonely or hurt or anxious.  Unfortunately for all of us, the worse things are, the younger I become and therefore less tolerant of them not being around.  Daddy H's answer is typically to get defensive and yell and we fight and eventually he hurts my feelings.  Boss Daddy just says  "Shhhh calm down.  I love you." and 9 times out of 10, I stop.  Can you tell how much I love him?

Anyway, it is late but I need to go do my Saturday night rounds.  Talk to some friends and do some PR work.

You all have a great night!

Smoochie wants to know what makes it feel like spring to you?

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*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`» Baby C

I'M BACCCCKKKK!!!!!

I'm back!  Anyone miss me?  Probably not.  You have to have followers to be missed.  It has been a long couple of months.  I hate packing and moving!

I finally decided on a mover.  He was a little more than I had planned but what is a girl to do,especially a baby girl?  I worried the whole time that my stuff wouldn't get there or he'd hold it ransom for more money.  Everything went off without a hitch and he was amazing.

I thought I had it all under control but when they arrived I was still packing boxes.  They moved fast and in about 2 hours they were done.  He said I was one of the most organized people he had ever moved.  Me!?  You can tell he doesn't know me at all.

I think the only reason they think that is because when I was shopping at the big W I found some moving labels on clearance.  All kinds of pretty colors.  You use a different color for each room and then there is a master sheet for each color!  Of course I saved the purple ones for my room.

The drive to TX was uneventful.  One of my besties came with me and did most of the driving since I have a strong tendency to fall asleep at the wheel.  It's not a good trait to have when you are driving across a few states.

I love my new apartment!  It is HUGE!  Even with the boxes we still have to unpack, there is plenty of room to walk around.  There are only two downsides.  It is on the 2nd floor and there is no washer and dryer.  Otherwise it's perfect and I love it.

We are learning to get around town and finding the things we need.  I did get lost for an hour up in the "big city"  trying to find a Whiole Foods last weekend but all in all we are doing good.

OH LOOK HOW CUTE!

Oh where was I?  Oh yeah.  As far as a personal life, well, it is hard to say.  I am still seeing Daddy H.  Sometimes it's good, sometimes he's very very busy dealing with life and work.  I am at a loss and sometimes, like today, I just want to cry.  I know it's silly but I miss him and I miss his control and hand in my life.  I am not sure how to keep that connection when times are like this.

He said he might be down here for New Years.  I hope so, it will go a long way in cementing our relationship....

Ok took a break to sulk and have my back and legs rubbed.  Then I got a surprise!  Daddy H popped on for a bit to see me!  I am a happy little girl again! I feel like coloring but I have a show and then I am holding a naughty story hour so maybe later tonight.

It is amazing what just a hello from him does.  I was on the verge of tears and now my heart feels like it's flying!

I hope to be posting more often here.  Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Smoochie says he's happy to be back!

 ::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

WHERE I'VE BEEN

I have been away.  I have been very introspective lately.  Wondering about decisions made and decisions to be made.

Some big ones affect my family life.  Do we move where there are jobs and the economy is better?  Where do I get the money to make this move?  How should I split up the money I have coming in to cover all my expenses?

Mostly though, I've been dealing with a lot of emotional issues lately.  The need to be loved and cared for.  The need to be held and cuddled.  The pain of rejection.  The different pain of disappointing someone you care about.  The confusion over someone you know who might not be good for you but at the same time, you can't turn away from him.

It has been hard, this journey I'm on.  I've learned that what I thought was myself was really me being what was expected of me.  I was someone else's vision of what I should be.  I was not happy nor comfortable the way I was.  I wanted to be me and be loved for being me but I wasn't sure who me was.

It took me a couple years to admit I was submissive.  It took another year for me to be okay with that.  I realized that it did not make me weak.  That the strong need to have someone to please was normal.  To know that I had a gift to offer someone.  The gift of my submission.  It felt right.  I found people who understood what I was feeling.  There was still like a corner that didn't fit though.

A year ago I got into a relationship with a man I'll call Daddy H.  I don't even really remember how I started calling him Daddy.  Previously the thought of a sub calling someone by that title was a little disconcerting and weird.  After a time I remember I told him that sometimes I felt very young around him.  When we broke up after almost nine months, I realized the part I missed the most was Daddy.  I missed being held and snuggled and missed feeling safe and protected from the world.

Since then I have let my whims lead me more.  I'm discovering the delight in looking at things through "younger" eyes.  I realized I missed crayons and coloring books.  I've started to acquire stuffies again and sleep with Smoochie every night.  I want to be nurtured, to be told it's time for bed, to be reminded of the work I need to do.  I want to hear "good girl" when I have done something pleasing or followed orders.  I want not only to take care of someone, to make them happy but also to have that person take care of me too.

The more I discover and the more I accept the smoother that "corner" becomes.  I think I've found my niche.  I just need to find the one who can be that for me.  I don't know where he will come from or when.  Daddy H. is the ex I have been talking about that wants me back.  I am still on the fence about what to do there.  Until then I will continue coloring and surrounding myself with the little girl things that make me happy.

Smoochie says Goodnight

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C