Words of Affirmation

So as I mentioned, one of the things Daddy and I are doing is reading the "Five Love Languages" together.  Well, I read and he listens then he comments and we talk about it.

The first chapter that begins to talk about the actual love languages is one on "Words of Affirmation".  This is Daddy's number one love language, something that I could have guessed on my own.  I was surprised it turned out to be one of mine too.

Many years ago when I took the test it was not the case.  My primary love language was quality time and touch then.  This time those two AND words of affirmation all scored the same.  I think because Daddy and I are long distance and much of our "together time" is spent online, in Second Life, and by text, that words have become so much more important to hear.  In that virtual world or even if we had been on a forum, if you don't talk you don't really "exist".  Text chat is the sole or primary method of communication. So anyway, this was a good chapter for us to start on.

Daddy and I had kind of stumbled on words of affirmation ourselves some months ago. We were having a bad day and all of a sudden he asks me, "Can you just say ONE thing that I am doing right?"  That made me take a mental step back.  I realized that even though he does good things for me every day, in the day to day I forget to tell him.  Bad babygirl!

There are numerous dialects under each love language, meaning there are many ways to express that particular language.  Compliments, encouraging words, kind words and humble words all fall under the language of Words of Affirmation.

Daddy and I have talked about  it and we need to not only remember to say all those good words to each other but also to stop the negative words.  We need to stop yelling at each other when we fight and calm down and listen to each other more.

Many months ago friend of mine, who is a Dom that I respect very much, suggested that we come up with a 2nd safe word.  This one was not for play time but specifically when we are arguing.  Either one of us can use it when we need the other to back off.  KOOLAID to us means to retreat to your corners for 10 minutes.  You can lie down, watch tv, play a game.  You just can't say anything to the other person for 10 minutes.

We both had a hard time even remembering to use it at first.  When we are going at it neither one of us wanted to stop what we were saying.  We are using it more but it is still hard to come to a complete stop sometimes, but we are getting better, kind of. *giggles*

We've also promised each other to stop swearing and using bad words TOWARDS each other.  That one will be easier for me since I only use one swear word with any regularity.  That word is "shit".  Daddy though brings out the potty mouth in me and I do drop a few F-bombs when we fight and I get extremely mad.  Only with him though.  Daddy on the other hand uses it regularly was part of his normal vocabulary.  He can say it any other time except when we are arguing, so we'll see how that goes.

Words of Affirmation.  We are using them more and looking forward to the next chapter.

All the things Daddy is!

Smoochie says you are all amazing and we thank you for stopping in!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

GROW WITH ME DADDY

I'm really trying to get organized so that I can write here more.  I really am.  Things just always seem to come up.  Then because I don't write regularly, when I do, I have so many things I want to touch on and I can't decide what is more important at the moment so I get discouraged.

The good news is that Daddy found a job and he's going to be moving closer to me!   A little over an hour away now!  Yay!!!!! *does the happy dance*  I will get to see him way more often and we can finally start the next part of our journey...finding out if we are compatible in the real world too.

Things have been like a roller coaster.  Thanksgiving is always hectic.  Put that together with my oldest son being sick since school started and me getting really sick the weekend before and it was a recipe for disaster.  Thanksgiving day itself was actually pretty good.  We don't have TV but Daddy found a place online where I could watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Even though we could never sync it to be watching the same thing at the same time, we at least got to talk about it and I got to see some of my favorite balloons including the hippo and Pikachu!

My younger son set the oven 100 degrees too high for the turkey.  After the first hour, the outside was looking done and I was thinking WTH?  We turned it down 25 degrees lower than it was supposed to be and to be honest, it was probably the juiciest turkey I've ever had.  So he was redeemed.

Anyway, I was sick and couldn't talk for nearly a week.  It was almost 2 weeks before I began to sound normal.  My left ankle was bothering me and my right foot was swollen and I was in extreme pain and having to take my prescription meds, which I hate.  They make me weird and plain cranky.  Frustration set in and Daddy and I had a HUGE...MAJOR...EARTHSHAKING... blow up with each other this past weekend.  Saturday was the most miserable day I've had in years. I was shrill and upset and basically being a b**ch to him.  He was major grumpy and yelling and screaming and swearing.

This went on ALL day, from mid-morning until we finally both went to bed at 3 am.  Even after we made up, I still felt raw and "off".  I felt like something was really broken this time and didn't know what so didn't know how to fix it.  Sunday was a day full of anxiety and panic for me.

We have been talking and we've started something we call "coffeetime".  In the morning, usually, we spend time together online planning our day and stuff.  One of the things we are also doing is that I read to him.  Right now we are reading from "The Five Love Languages".  I read out loud and then we discuss the chapter I've read and how it applies to us.

Yesterday was eye opening for me.  The topic was being "in love" vs "loving someone".  "In love" is the euphoric feeling a good new relationship brings.  You would do anything for the other person and they are perfect for you.  Things come easily and naturally.  You go out of your way, whether you realize it or not, to put your good side forward. Some call it the "honeymoon stage"

Daddy and I have been in a relationship most of 3.5 years now.  That euphoric feeling is fading some.  We tend to do more just talking and cuddling and being together than the raw passionate, intimate stuff.  S--E--X, for those that need it spelled out.  Worry wart that I am, I have been mulling over this (and not in a good way).  I was of the mind that it is "In love" then "falling out of love".  Was daddy falling out of love with me?  Was I now boring him because we knew each other so well?

In the book it says when the "in love" period is over then we have two choices...leave the relationship or work at it.  This is when it takes a conscious effort to make the other person happy.  You don't always do it because YOU want it or it benefits you but simply because it makes them happy and you love them enough to do that for them.  I've seen such a change in Daddy in the last year but mostly in the last 6-8 months.  He tries so hard.  He listens.  He more readily apologizes.  He's not always so defensive right out of the gate.  He makes concessions that I know he isn't 100% happy about but can live with because  it makes ME happy.  He's also taken more of an interest in MY well being too.  Rules are set that simply benefit and encourage ME.

A lot of our fights are because of my insecurities.  This gave me a whole new perspective on us.  He's not falling out of love with me!  He loves me...period.  He's trying to make things right.  He's trying to put a good strong foundation in place so as we move to being more together and physically in the same place, we have a fighting chance at making this work.  That bit of knowledge freed up a lot of anxiety for me.  It's not all gone but a good portion of it is.

So Daddy (he's taken to finally reading what I write too) thank you and I love you.  Things aren't perfect and I know they never will be.  I don't think I want them to be because we'd be bored. LOL  It makes my heart happy that you love me enough to try so hard.

He never gives up on me!  Oh!  And with HIS encouragement, I'm down 7 lbs!  Not a huge change yet for me but moving in the right direction!

Smoochie says he likes it when I'm happy.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

OH HAPPY DAY!

It can happen and it does.  Most things are pretty much the same as far as looking for a job and all but this post is about the one amazing thing that has changed!

Most of you know that I am in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) with my Daddies.  We are not as long distance as a year ago when I was living in Arizona.  Now they are only about 5 hours away but it's still a good distance.

Daddy H and I have been together for over two years with a break of about 2.5 months in the middle.  Boss Daddy and I have only been together since February but we've known each other much longer than that.  Daddy H and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary of being friends and our one year anniversary of being back together last month.

Yesterday, for the very very first time ever, I got to meet Daddy H face to face!  I was so excited!  I wanted to go up the night before but he was getting in late and since I can't drive in the dark, he didn't want me waiting around for him in my car in a dark parking lot so we decided I should just drive up in the morning and we could spend the morning together before he had to attend his class,which is the reason he was in the area.

I left as soon as the sky started to lighten up but got caught in rush hour traffic and a trip that should have taken half an hour by Google map standards, so 20 minutes by my driving, ended up taking and hour and 15 min and I stressed most of the way!

I did get there though and got to look my Daddy in the eye!  I got to kiss him and hold him and feel the stubble on his cheek and smell him! Did I cry?  Do you even have to ask?  I cry at everything.  I cry when I'm sad and when I'm mad and when I'm happy so yes!  We had breakfast together and then got to snuggle and talk and I didn't want to leave.  He is everything I expected and more.

I did get a spanking because I had been bad the night before and started a fight with him.  Was my first ever since I was a child!  I learned something new about myself.  I liked the belt!  With his hand the impact is there and then gone but the belt after impact kind of caresses you as it is pulled back again and to me it was a very sensual feeling. *blushes*

Anyway I got off track.  I got to see my Daddy!  *Does the happy dance*  We had a chance to really bond.  My commitment is deeper now than ever and a lot of the fears I was dealing with are gone. I was so afraid he'd not like me once we met.  I'm neither young, nor beautiful and far from skinny or even pleasantly plump.  I had someone else in my life who did not like the fact that I wasn't skinny, even though I never hid that fact from him, so I was really scared to be rejected again.

Daddy H loves me just like I am!  I think we have a stronger bond now.  I got to look in his eyes and be in his arms when he said "I love you."  He said he was nervous too.  I don't know why, I would have loved him no matter what.

We got 3.5 hours together then it was time for him to go to class so we had to say good bye.  He hugged and kissed me and said, "don't you dare cry." He knows me too well.  I said I wouldn't till I got to my car and I was a good girl and didn't until I started the car then i cried all the way home.  Some happy tears, some very sad tears.  I don't know when I will get to see him again but hopefully it won't be too long.  *Screams and wiggles and does the happy dance again*

I got to see my DADDY!

Smoochie thinks I'm silly but he's secretly happy too!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

On Daddies and Fathers

Daddy H and I celebrated one whole year back in his collar last night.  He is such an amazing man.  When I first met him, his attitude was "I don't change for anyone, if you don't like it then kiss my a**".  Which is true in a lot of ways, people who love you should love you just the way you are.  However to see the changes in him and knowing they are because he wants to change for me, that is a precious thing.  He is truly becoming the daddy that my heart always wanted and needed.  When i need comforting, he is the only one I want.  He has stopped being so defensive and has started to really listen and therefore is able to soothe instead of stir up more emotions.

Boss Daddy is back for a couple weeks.  He's on vacation and will need to head back East and maybe off shore after that.  I heard from him yesterday and am hoping to see him online tonight.

I am in a lot of pain today.  Starting a couple of years ago my left foot occasionally swells up and gets painful.  I've been to an orthopedic surgeon.  They found some osteoarthritis in that ankle and recommended not to do any walking for exercise nor having a job that had me on my feet or walking all the time.  It used to flair up every few months but I've not had an episode in over a year.  Today, I can barely walk.  I need to lean on the kids to just get between my desk and the bathroom which is just five feet away.  Vicodin and Percocet don't usually touch the pain, nevertheless, I have taken half of one.  Too much makes me sick to my stomach though I've taken and may take as many as two at a time if I need it.  I am starting to feel the effects and hope I get through walking the kids through making dinner before I float away.

First a disclaimer for those that are not in the lifestyle.  The majority of baby girls DO NOT have issues with their real fathers.  I always loved mine and was proud of him even though he was very strict.  I never felt like I was good enough at anything I did in his eyes though.  Then seven years ago when I decided to divorce my husband, I went to him for a small loan to pay a divorce attorney.  That's when he told me that I was stupid and should stick it out because my then husband made good money.  He followed that by saying, you have dug a hole now you will never get out of and I know you are never going to make anything of yourself in this world.  I walked out.  He then proceeded to lie to the courts and helped my husband take my kids away to "teach me a lesson" for not doing as he said.  Since I had no attorney, I lost them for two years until my ex came to his senses and sent them back to me.

I tried once to make up with my father but got shot down again.  I vowed that day to never let him hurt me again.  I've not talked to him in more than five years.  He does not contact his grandsons even though they send him emails for things like Fathers Day.  They have their own email accounts and cell phones but never hear from him.  They don't say much but I know they feel sad that he has forgotten about them.

Today I sent him an email.  Partly to finally say what I needed to about finding out that the family that I though would always be there turned out not to be but mostly to tell him that I have always loved him.  He will be 78 this fall so I'm not sure how many more years he'll be here but I felt the need to let him know that no matter what, and even when I hated what he had done, I never stopped loving him.

I will not ever contact him again.  I've said my piece and I need to move on.  I feel sorry for him sometimes.  He has the admiration of the community where he lives but has alienated 3 out of his 4 daughters.  My youngest sister still spends time with him but that is the kind of person she is.  Family means everything, as it should.  I guess I'm not as good as she is.

Life goes on.  Now it's my turn to try and be happy.

Smoochie says to hug your family today.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

Such Absentmindedness

Ok here is a true update...  (PS I wrote this last week and just realized I never posted)

I wish I could get myself to post more often.  I need so many things that my mind is really scattered and a lot of times I am so busy jumping from one thing to another that nothing ever gets finished.  There are many days I open up a new post page and it sits there, sometimes for days before I shut it down.

Trying to make ends meet is taxing.  Making and trying to sell my jewelry, promoting my adult store, picking up odd jobs when I can.  Right now working on listing a batch of Disney pins to sell on ebay.  I'd like to get some writing done and get my novel out as an ebook but I've been kind of dry for more than 18 months.  Even my blog posts are lackluster compared to my old blogs.  Unfortunately nothing is bringing in much income at all, so the struggle continues.

On other matters, Boss Daddy has been nearly non existent.  I've not "seen" him in almost a month now though he texts a few times a week and calls on occasion.  Work just has him so busy and he's out on a job site in the middle of nowhere with little or no cell phone service.

On the other hand, Daddy H has been wonderful lately.  He once said he'd never change for anyone.  Well he's been doing a lot of changing.  He is more considerate, less defensive about everything.  He is truly trying harder to make me happy.

We just celebrated two years together.  There have been a lot of fights in those two years, a lot of tears too.  We separated a few times but were never really apart.  We still talked and worried about each other and eventually came back together.  I've watched him grow and evolve.  Seen him starting to let down his guard.  He had put up such a wall around him expecting to get hurt again, thinking he couldn't really trust anyone deep down.  It's not all gone but it is wearing down.  I get to see over it now and sometimes sit with my legs on his side.  That's okay with me.  My love for him is unconditional and always will be

If it really is love, you don't stop loving someone because they hurt you.  You can not like what they do.  You can choose to distance yourself.  You never really stop loving them.

Daddy H is teaching me to not worry about the little things. That is a good thing because I worry about everything and with my insecurities, can work myself into a frenzy.  We can talk on the phone and everything is perfect then I see something online and 20 min later I'm ranting to him in text.  He is learning to calm my fears and so they are getting easier to manage most of the time.

I did it again.  Started writing this two days ago and just came back to it. Lost my train of thought so I'll just post this as is.

Oh!  As an aside...Robin Williams died yesterday and I don't think I've ever cried for another celebrity like I cried when i found out about him.  He was a huge part of our culture as far back as "Mork and Mindy". I saw an interview with him once and he said something about how in his mind the voices are always talking, much like he does when he rattled on and on.  We think it's funny but to have that in your head all the time....?  Anyway RIP and thank you for all the smiles and happiness you brought to us.

Smoochie says "You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

Robin Williams

Go out and do something brilliant today.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`» Baby C

15% OFF and an UPDATE

It is nearly the end of the month and I'm stressing about finances again.  I've gotten some work online so better this month but not anywhere close to what I need.  Trying to do the odd job thing for immediate cash so I can turn my attention back to my jewelry.

I am going to run a sale at Nicest Naughties, my adult toy store.  Use code SUMMER for 15% off your purchase.  This code is good thru August 3, 2014.  I'd appreciate you passing this information along to anyone you might know who is in the market for some additions to their play times.

Beautiful butt plug - You could almost display this!

Daddy H and I have been doing really well.  I've have decided to just relax and let things be for a bit instead of always worrying and stressing about him leaving me.  Okay I have abandonment issues so any little thing he does sets me off.  I don't really stress less, I just don't let him know and I don't take it out on him the second I start to feel anxious.  So far so good but I have been sleeping a lot as a result.  The times we spend together are happier and calmer though and so that is good.

Boss Daddy, on the other hand, has been near non-existent. He did text me a picture of dry, dusty land in the middle of nowhere.   Said he's in bum f*ck Egypt.  I've never heard that expression and if it's not a good one to use, please tell me but he has been out there for days and has spotty phone service at best. So he texts when he can and calls when he can but sometimes it's days that I don't hear from him and I've not "seen" him in more than two weeks.  I miss him.  Supposedly things are supposed to settle down soon but I'm not holding my breath, at least not unless I'm going to throw a tantrum and turn blue in the face.

I did see this saying on my Facebook today.  "Never give up on something you really want.  It's difficult to wait, but more difficult to regret."  So I guess I wait.

Smoochie says he hopes you are all keeping cool this summer!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD

I know I've not posted in forever. I have a million excuses of course. the kids are home for the summer. I'm stressed about income since there is none. Concentrating on making said income. Working through things with the Daddies.

Daddy H and I have been going around and around. He is of the school that says..."I tell you I love you so you should know I do." Well yeah and it's nice to hear, I mean I really do love hearing you say it but you have to show me too. I think after weeks of this, he has finally gotten it. We had a long talk a couple nights ago and for once he stopped talking and listened. He really is a changed man though. 18 mos ago he was more self centered. Now he's wanting to work on things, wanting to change so that I am happier. He is a lot warmer now and I like him better as a person than I did before. I always loved him and still do but I can see he's making an effort even if it takes a while to sink in.

Boss Daddy is still busy with work and I still don't hear much from him some days. He has been trying harder to stay in touch though. I told him to at least say good morning and good night when he has service, sometimes he's out in the boonies and doesn't . It's kind of scary when I think about it. He also has started to set tasks and things for me to do. I've not found a job and I have all these ideas about making money, so many that a lot of times my thoughts are scattered and I jump from thing to thing and nothing really gets done. Boss Daddy decided that I should concentrate on making my jewelry and stuff and not only get my Etsy shop open but see if the gift shops in the area would purchase or take some pieces on consignment. So I've been cranking stuff out. Here's some of what I have ready to go.  (Don't pay any attention to my messy desk please.)

Babygirl Candy stick bracelets.

Close up

Some kawaii charms

Hinged top stash vials

Two other bracelet designs

I hope something comes through soon. I will post when my Etsy shop is open and of course you can check my adult shop at Nicest Naughties. I think I will run another sale soon so watch for the discount code! Next post I'll tell you about the rainbow lasagna I made.

Smoochie says he's happy to be back.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

I Just Want To Cry

I have a question for those "s-types" out there.  Babygirl, sub, slave...you know who you are.  Do you have a hard time saying no?  I don't mean to your Daddy or Dominant.  I don't even mean to strangers but to those you know, love and respect?

I seem to get myself into situations where I don't want to say no so agree to things I don't want to do or can't really afford.  Then I kick myself later and get a little resentful.  It stresses me out and makes me just want to put my head in the sand, so to speak.

I hate conflict.  It doesn't mean that I will not stick up for myself when it comes to strangers.  Even my Daddies know that when I am at the end of my rope I will get into a fight with them.  Lately I have been approached by a lot of men online.  These men call themselves daddies and try and call me little girl or baby girl.  My profiles clearly state that I am taken and happily.  To me it shows a lack of respect and quite a bit of arrogance on their part.

Today I told one, if you had any kind of respect at all you would have read my profile and known that I am already taken not available.  His answer?  "That takes too much time."  What? So I told him that he just proved how little respect he has for anyone but himself.

I know I shouldn't but this stresses me out too.  All these stresses add up to big ones and pretty soon I'm having a meltdown and don't even know why.

I need to remember this...chocolate cake please!

I used to be stronger.  When I was married my then-hubby was not a dominant in any sense of the word.  He could not make a decision to save his life.  If he started something it had to be perfect or he wouldn't do it.  He would fold a load of clothes, get 75% of the way done and decide he didn't want to fold any more.  So okay, leave the rest.  No.  The man would UNFOLD everything he'd already done so that he could claim he'd never started. Things would go undone for months, like the leak in the roof because he couldn't decide what needed to be done.  I learned to just step and be the boss.  I didn't want to be.  I hated every minute of it but if I didn't nothing got done.

Now I am the boss.  It is just me and the boys.  I hate it.  Sometimes you just want a good cry and to let someone else take over.  My little comes out more and more and having to do the big girl things stress me more and more.  This is starting to cause a little stress in my relationships with my Daddies.  Luckily for me, they have been understanding and extremely tolerant.  Daddy H especially has been very very loving and sweet.

Okay, I stayed up way too late again.

Smoochie blows you all a ni ni kiss.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

"I Just Want To Cry" by Nicole Hart

SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING (SO ARE THE OTHER DAYS OF THE WEEK)

I am still around and still looking for that ever elusive job.  Have any of you ever been to one of those gold sellers?  I have, twice. Once before I moved, once this past weekend.  I was lucky to have found two great places.  Know your stuff before you go.  There are online calculators.  I weighed mine on a kitchen scale then put it into the calculator.  Both times I got nearly 80% of worth which is a good deal.  Amazing how just a little bit adds up.  Gives me a little breathing room, just a tiny bit for a couple weeks at least.

I spoke to a very very good friend of mine.  She pulled herself out of the trenches when she was a young mother and made a name for herself in her field.  Read that as very very successful.  She got laid off almost 2 years ago and cannot find work.  She has the credentials and background.  People know her work but she is over 50.  Jobs go to younger applicants.  If someone like that cannot find a job, what kind of hope do I have?  No recent job history (not since 1995 really), no degree and over 50.  I've come to believe that I really need to look outside of the traditional jobs.  I am still looking and applying but concentrating my efforts elsewhere too.

Anyone looking for someone to do clerical work, voice over work?  I can do transcription and I can customize and design basic websites using Wordpress.  Those are some things I am trying.  Also looking for some musicians to maybe do some live gigs, working on my book and going to be doing some recording and getting some mp3's for sale.  I hope something hits soon.

On the relationship front (yeah I know I'm all over today but I realize I haven't posted in quite a while) things are going reasonably well. Daddy H and I are doing a lot better most of the time.  for a man who always said he would not change for anyone, he has been doing quite a bit of changing.  I see it in him and it makes me smile.  We still fight like cats and dogs sometimes but I am starting to think that it will always be part of who we are.  I think it actually turns him on when I fight back.

We were having a very loud discussion...okay we were yelling at each other...on the phone a couple of weeks ago.  We were both talking over each other and kept saying stop interrupting and let me talk.  Finally I got frustrated and yelled out, "Will you just SHUT UP!"  Daddy H got silent for a second then said "Ooooo" and started talking in his sexy voice.  I had to laugh and it diffused the fight and we finished amicably.  It will always be part of our dynamic.  I am typically a very docile sub but Daddy H really does enjoy the bratty side and so I've been letting her out more often and we are both happier.

Boss Daddy is still busy as heck at work.  He texts every day, calls every couple of days and manages to come online once or twice a week.  He is trying and knows we need to do something to feel better connected.  I don't feel "owned" anymore and that is a problem for me.  So we are trying to find ways to keep connected in the day to day, even when he can't be around much.  Do any of you have any suggestions or can you tell me what you do, especially if you are in a LDR?  I told him I would collect some ideas and email them and he could think about what he thinks he could handle,.  I don't want to make things harder for him or have him make promises that he can't fulfill right now, that would just lead to hurt feelings and fighting.  This way we would start slow.  I just need to see some movement and not going backwards.

So feel free to comment or PM me your suggestions.  I have been reading blogs even if I've not had the energy to comment lately.

Smoochie says it's nap time so ... MWAHHHH!


::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

HANGING ON

I'm down with the crud again.  I guess it could be allergies but it feels like the crud.  Kids didn't get sick this time though.  I feel like I am breathing underwater. I will have to hit the doctor in a couple of days if this keeps up.

Life.  So life has been interesting.  The struggle to survive continues.  Bills get paid mostly.  I do have a storage unit that i have had for the last 5 years that I cannot afford to pay for.  It is in California and I can't afford to have the things shipped to me either so my guess is that I will lose everything in it.  Most of the stuff I don't care about.  The kids' old toys, some household decorations, a few pieces of artwork.  I am hoping someone will go and grab the bins of pictures though.  Pictures of my daughter when she was young and of the boys.  Old friends, keepsakes...that sort of thing.  I asked my sister to go or to send one of my nephews but they have been too busy the past few weeks.  I'm hoping soon and before the place locks them out.

The daddies are doing well.  Boss Daddy is nearly well but first was playing catch up at work after having been out with pneumonia, then the storms hit and they have been scrambling to make repairs and stuff. I miss him as I don't get to see him very often.  We text and he calls every few days if he can.

Daddy H and I still have this volatile relationship.  When things are good they are really really good and when they are not good, well, it plain sucks.  He has been putting in more of an effort sometimes.  I've watched him grow and change a bit.  At the same time, he has periods where I become nearly non existent.  He will send me IM's online but I don't get to "see" him or spend one-on-one time with him.  We are in one of those periods now.  I told him last night that we could stay friends but he needed to let me go.  He said no.  That is the very very short story.  We argued for over five hours.  He finally conceded that he neded to make a bigger effort and that things needed to change , at least a little. So we will see.  I love him, deeply, so I am willing to give him another chance as long as we are moving forward and not backward.

Recently I have gotten several PM's at Fetlife.  While the occasional one is polite and respectful there are others there who need a lesson in etiquette.  To them I have posted two new pages.  You can find them here and here.  They are some things that need to be said given some recent occurrences.

That is a lot of writing for one day!  PHew!  I am out for now.

Smoochie sends some loving your way!


::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...

Well some things are going well indeed and other things just suck.  Still not been able to find work and my accounts are empty.  I'm stressing so badly and now sure how I'm covering this coming month's bills.  The state sent me a nice little letter about having no car insurance.  WTH?  I'm behind like a month in payments but don't think the company has terminated me yet.  Matter of fact, they just sent me a ne notice and new cards.  Problem is when they call the company to verify, not sure what they will be told so I need to find a way to cover last month and this month's bills too.

I've been thinking about this whole phone sex thing.  I wouldn't mind doing it and supposedly you can bring in some good money.  I've been told I have a sexy bedroom type of voice.  Of course nothing can be simple for me.  The two top reputable companies both require what they call "a landline" phone.  I know this means one that plugs into the phone jack and not the digital one I have from Vonage.  The hurdle I've run into is that I have not been able to find out who does that type of phone service here in this town.  Everything I look up is digital.  Time Warner, ATT, Verizon, Grande...they all offer digital phone service.  I even called the apartment office here and asked and they don't know either.  I am waiting for an email back from the phone sex companies but who knows how long that will be?

I just celebrated my 23rd birthday (for the 32nd time).  Sucks getting older.  My mom said, "Oh my you are catching up to me!"  Thanks Mom.  I got to see my Daddies for maybe 10 minutes each.  One is out of town for work and the other is still sick but playing catch up at work too for all the time he missed.  My sister sent a text, well one of them did.  the other I think is still in China but she typically wouldn't say anything even if she wasn't.  I got to talk to my daughter on Skype which was nice.  My boys are so sweet, they both made me cards, all on their own.  All together it was a pretty ordinary day.  Except for dinner!  I made this....



It was wonderful, I even cheated a bit and had a little rice.  The rice wasn't as good as I thought it would be so I didn't eat it all or have seconds.  They boys enjoyed theirs though.  My youngest has dropped 18 lbs and the oldest about 15 lbs.  So now I'm teaching them moderation.

I am tired but want to post something so I'm cutting this short due to lack of thinking.

Smoochie says for me to go to bed!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!

Things have just been going to hell in a hand basket...

I wrote the above line five days ago. Since then I've been to hell and back several times.  I am still alive, still here.  Things have gotten so busy and not in a good way (read...I've not found a job yet)

Boss Daddy has walking pneumonia.  He finally got himself to the doctor but is taking a long time to get better.  He is up and about though and now trying to play catch up at work.

Daddy H is, well Daddy H.  I alternate almost hourly between loving him to death and wanting to be the cause of his death.  It is such a long convoluted story, I don't think I could write it out if I wanted to.  To top things off, Boss Daddy and Daddy H weren't talking to each other.  Yup they had a BIG blowup.  So I had to put on my big girl panties ( those are worse than granny panties) and stop in and fix everything.

I've been playing Alpha for almost two weeks now and I hate it.  Brings back all the bad things about my marriage.  When I turn my alpha female on everyone better watch out.  I don't take any stuffs from anyone, ask my kids.

Last night I had a big melt down.  Couldn't do it anymore.  So the two of them finally made up today.  Thank heaven.  Not even my kids expect me to be grown up all the time.

So hoping I can get back t just stressing about finances and stuff like that.  I am trying to be back to posting more regularly and also finding time to visit some of my fav blogs.  Hope to see you around soon.

Smoochie says he's glad to be back too!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

Cake and Sodomy

I done did it!  After days of procrastinating, another couple of days of just being fuzzy and trying to make things harder than they are, I finally have a second blog up!  This one will remain as is .  This is my "journey" blog.  It's adult so I don't have to watch what I say and it is definitely not vanilla.

(BTW I've been using song titles as my post titles the last few posts.  This one well it kind of sums up my two blogs.  It's by Marilyn Manson.  I've never heard it.)

This new blog will be a place for the general public.  A place to share recipes and other things I've found.  I wanted them separate so that people would not be squeamish about following me there.  I will post here when I put up a new post there but will not do it the other way around.  This blog is more my heart and soul and the other one will be more what I do when I am dragging my feet about getting any real work done.

So go visit me at  YUMMY STUFFIES FOR THE TUMMY and More!

It is spring!  Go visit www.abento.net

It is warming up here and we are glad to see that spring is here finally!  Things on the home front here have been mostly good.  The Daddies are both really really busy at work.  Boss Daddy might be in line for a promotion!  Yay him!  Plus this being an election year nor something, they both have their hands full with their groups locally.   They are  both political activists.  To add more chaos to that, this weekend they have another dog show to go to so they are out of town.  Boss Daddy has been pretty good about keeping in touch even though they've been on the road and I even heard from Daddy H too.  As a matter of fact, they both called me at the same time when they were driving.

Boss Daddy has been a great addition to our family.  He really is our family now.  Not only does he try to go out of his way to make sure that I am happy but he is teaching Daddy H how to be a better Daddy and a better Master.  He is so patient with me, especially when I am down and on edge.  The big me understands when times get busy, things have to be put on hold.  The little me only understands that she is lonely or hurt or anxious.  Unfortunately for all of us, the worse things are, the younger I become and therefore less tolerant of them not being around.  Daddy H's answer is typically to get defensive and yell and we fight and eventually he hurts my feelings.  Boss Daddy just says  "Shhhh calm down.  I love you." and 9 times out of 10, I stop.  Can you tell how much I love him?

Anyway, it is late but I need to go do my Saturday night rounds.  Talk to some friends and do some PR work.

You all have a great night!

Smoochie wants to know what makes it feel like spring to you?

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`» Baby C

The Time Warp

I've been busy and pouting and sleep deprived.  This time changing stuff always messes me up.  It didn't feel as late as it was so I ended up going to bed after 6 am on Sunday morning.  Needless to say I was out of it on Sunday and then got my 2nd wind and stayed up until almost 5 am.  The only good thing about the change is that it is light later in the day so I can be out running errands and get home before dark since I can't drive in the dark any more.

This past weekend was a lonely one for me.  The Daddies were at a dog show and forgot to tell me that they were going.  They are usually good at it but didn't realize until later that they hadn't said anything.  So I was unprepared for being totally alone this weekend.  Luckily I had busy work to do.  I got one of the new websites completely up and built.  Yay me and it looks good, if I do say so myself.

It has taken me 3 days to write this so far.  I am so far into babygirl mode that it is making it hard to concentrate.

 *Wanders off*

My Favorite is #9!

Ok now three hours later, I'm determined to finish this post.  So back to my Daddies...They were gone for the weekend and even though they are back, they have a huge activism event they are handling so although I get to talk to them some, We have spent much time together this week.  Daddy H and I are fighting again.  I think he likes it when I fight with him, he said once it makes him horny.  That combined with the fact that I haven't been able to have a decent snuggle with Boss Daddy, has me in perpetual little mode..  I did get some clay work done in preparation for putting together some jewelry whenever the rest of the supplies get here but have not been able to do any real work.

Add the kids to all that too since it is spring break here this week and ...sighs.  I really need to find a way to buckle down and make some money this month.

Oh oh oh!  I did get one bit of decent news!  Boss Daddy is trying to get off for a weekend next month and maybe come visit me!  Yay!!  I hope he can make it work!

Ok excitement is over and I think I am ready for bed.

Smoochie is keeping the blankets warm...Not.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

First I want to say...

HAPPY BELATED GIRLS DAY!

Wow I really lost track of the time here.  Didn't realize it has been so long since I've posted.  Life has just been busy I guess.  All my social media was ignored for at least 4 days.  I got a lot done though.  Refrigerator and freezer are stuffed to the gills  We only need to go out for milk, ice and to refill our bottled water.

Bottled water.  Ok here is a small rant.  When I was living in Arizona there were water and ice stores all over the place.  You could refill your large water containers with pure water run through a reverse osmosis system (important for taking the fluoride out) and usually buy some ice cream or other frozen treat.  they were relatively inexpensive, like a buck for 5 gallons of water.  The tap water in AZ wasn't too bad.  I would run it through a Brita and it was fine to drink but Daddy says no fluoride.  Here where we are, even when I run the water through the filter pitcher, it has all kinds of crud in it.  I made the kids stop drinking it.  That said there are two...2...TWO  places to refill your water containers here!  They are both within a mile of each other on the other side of town.  Lately one or both have been out of order when I go to refill, meaning I have to buy already bottled water at nearly a buck a gallon!  Sighs, makes no sense.  If i had money I'd think about opening one of those water stores here.  Ok end of rant.

I might pay a bit extra for these in my glass too!

I found out that my performing alter ego's website has been taken down.  She was lucky enough to be able to piggyback off someone else's site but I guess they decided not to renew.  So I have been checking into various web hosting sites and finally decided on one.  I am now the owner of two of my own domains but need to get to work to build the sites.  I am not nor have ever been trained in website design or programming.  I am self taught and so will be doing this by trail and error.  One site is for my performing and writing.  I sing and write under different names although my fans know both of them.  The other site is for me personally.  I will move my virtual assistant site there and I am looking at opening an Etsy shop and will make an extension on my own site for some things.  I guess I need to read Etsy's policies first.  That has kept me busy the last few days.

Today we finally got all our new cell phones also.  Yay no more horrendous bills!  So of course we had to program contacts and download all the apps.  It is the boys' first smart phone and they are going nuts but they had to learn to use them today.  If you are not a huge user, check out Zact.com.  I am impressed by their structure.  It is inexpensive and you only pay for what you use pretty much.  I am saving at least $100/mo off my bill and we now have 3 smart phones.  Yay us!

Good thing I've been busy because my Daddies have not been around much the last few days.  They had a good friend pass last week.  He was young, only 27 years old and they think it was a blood clot that migrated from his leg to his heart.  So they have been busy with the arrangements and taking care of the family then the wake this weekend.  To make things worse they are both sick with some stomach crud.  So I've seen and heard very little from them.  I miss them.  Yeah I'm high maintenance in that regard.  I require frequent contact and reassurance.

Ok I've procrastinated enough.  I was supposed to start looking at building my site but it's almost 2 am.  I guess I'll take a quick look then head to bed.

Smoochie says to get my butt in there because it is FREEZING!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

ALMOST AWAKE

Okay, I am back to being an adult.  Oh who am I kidding, I'm never really an adult any more.  I'm back to not being so emotional I guess is a good way to put it.  I had quite a bit of support from the people at Fetlife  and it made me feel a lot better.  Daddy R made sure to tell me that I was his through and through and that I belong to him and Daddy H and no one else gets to have me.  That made me feel much better too.

I am down to a quarter dose of Zoloft as of tonight.  I got no work done this past week.  I did do my taxes but that was only because Turbotax asks one question and a time and I can save and walk away from it whenever i wish and I did, frequently.  Mostly I've just been headache-y and confused.    Yesterday and today weren't bad though but we start again with the lower dose tonight.  Hopefully it will all soon be over.

I downloaded this app for my phone.  It's called Binality and basically plays binaural beats.  I don't know a lot about them and I might get this wrong but these beats carry different frequencies or something and can help with all kinds of stuff from insomnia to pain relief.  You are supposed to listen with stereo headphones but i don't, I just play it on my phone which i then place on my night stand.  I don't know if it really works but I have been falling asleep faster and sleeping better.  Also I have started dreaming again, something that I haven't done for a long time except for an occasional one here and there.

I'd love to dream this!  Hello Topiary by Eric Joyner

*Took a sleep break when I passed out at my desk, then couldn't get up this morning, sighs.  So again 12 hours later, we continue...*

Except now I have no idea what I was going to say.

Daddy H and I got into another one of our fights this weekend.  That man gets so defensive sometimes.  When we fight it is for stupid things, things that would not be an issue if he kept me up to date on stuff going on.  This time though, Daddy R jumped in and mediated.  He listened to me and told Daddy H that he had better do the same and also to talk to me nicer.  Of course I got a lecture too but then nice snuggles after.

One wonderful thing did happen this weekend though.  Daddy R called me on the phone!  I got to talk to him and hear his voice and other stuff.  *Grins*  I also have his cell phone number now so I can text him whenever I want!  Boy is he gonna be sorry!  Daddy H said that his friend has been burned a few times and would take awhile before he would trust enough to give me his number and he was surprised it happened so soon.  Now I can text him good morning and good night and reach him before I get into another fight.

Anyway, I am falling asleep again.  I can't wait until this is over, hopefully in another 10 days or so.

Smoochie is waiting and sends his love.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

I AM IN HERE...SOMEWHERE

I am down to half a dose of my Zoloft.  Been in a sort of haze the last few days.  Headache-y and unable to concentrate on anything for very long.  I just had a horrible thought.  What if it's not withdrawal but turns out to be a permanent thing because I'm not on the meds any more?  I haven't been able to do any appreciable work the last few days, even writing this blog is hard.

LOL. I started writing this 12 hours ago and then wandered away from it.

I had a melt down tonight.  It was a rough day, I was feeling overwhelmed and lonely.  Daddy H came online but when i tried to talk to him, he answered but you could tell he was distracted.  I decided to step outside my comfort zone and attend a discussion group in Second Life.  Well it wouldn't let me kn because I had too many scripts (for those that don't know, scripts are the coding that makes things do things and the more you have it causes lag)  I couldn't get them down low enough so I just left.  Tried Daddy H again but felt i got the brush off again.  So what do I do?  I yelled at him, stomped my feet and in no uncertain terms told him I was unhappy.  I was feeling about 3 years old.  Daddy R was working late and hadn't gotten home yet.   I was not a happy camper and was letting them know I wasn't.

Daddy R has actually taken over and he is boss now.  I can talk to Daddy H and snuggle but no playing (as in sex) with him.  Daddy R is mad because Daddy H keeps upsetting me and so he banned him from playing for now until he earns his way back.  He was not a happy camper but understood why and said he'd do the same if the tables were turned.  I told the two of them to work it out and let me know but don't put me in the middle.

Daddy R eventually came home and heard I was upset  so he came online.  We talked and he reminded me that he loved, wanted, needed and craved me (his words).  We discussed my issues and he assured me he wasn't any of the former men in my life and he wouldn't act like them  He reaffirmed that i was his and that he would be there for me and together we'd work through the fears and walls I have.  He also gave me homework.  I need to read and write a report about alternate natural methods to fight anxiety, then he kissed away the tears and said good night because he had to be up in 4 hours.

So here I am calmer and feeling a bit warm and fuzzy.  It is funny, daytime I can barely function but at night I have insomnia.  I sure hope this all goes away when I'm off the Zoloft for good.  I should be completely off in another 2 weeks or so.  I love my Daddies, both of them, but especially Daddy R.  I have never felt so loved and protected in my life.

I am going to watch a bit of my KDrama (Queen Class) and hopefully get tired enough to go to bed.  Can't wait to see Daddy again tomorrow!

Smoochie says he will introduce you to his new friend next time!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

POST VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Happy "Heart" Day!!!  I hope you all had a great one!

Valentine's Day kind of snuck up on me this year.  (Omg, isn't "snuck" a real word?  My spell check says no way.)  I was thinking that it was tomorrow.  I don't have anything for the kids and I am trying to figure out what to do.  We are still doing the low carb thing and they are doing so well that I do not want to veer from it yet.  Budget doesn't allow of much more than a sweet treat though.

Holidays have always been a big deal in my house.  Growing up we celebrated everything.  Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, 4th of July, New Years, Valentine's Day, Easter, Girl's Day, International Children's Day (not Boy's Day ... I had no brothers).  Heck my father even brought presents when he went out of town for work.  He and my mom also celebrated the anniversary of their first date every year.  There were always presents and good food.

I try to keep that alive today with my kids.  Times have been tough and the budget really lean but I try at least to cook something special.  My ex-hubby, his family didn't celebrate anything.  He got a check for his birthday but that was it.  I think in 18 years of marriage I only received 4 presents from him for any occasion.  An electric keyboard and a pot set that I had told him I did NOT want the week before, were the two he came up with.  A ring and a laptop computer, both my sister's idea and she went and got them.  Don't get me wrong, I loved the pressies, well except for the pot, but I would have been happier if he had gotten some small trinket on a more frequent basis.  A Hello Kitty pencil, a cupcake or even just my favorite chocolate bar.

Ok whining done for now.  Maybe some sugar free candy for the kids.  Like I said they have been doing really well on the reduced carb thing.  They have each dropped between 8-10 lbs.  They have carbs at school during the week and I allow whole grain carbs at home for breakfast or lunch on the weekend.  No starch carbs for dinner.  (I got sidetracked from writing.  Didn't get them anything but we will go out tomorrow and we'll see.)

So interesting turn of events...Master R is now my Daddy too so I guess he changes to Daddy R.  I need t think of a different moniker for him or them or something.  We are getting along very very well and he is who I spend most of my time with lately.  He has become very enamored of this babygirl.  I am not sure why but he says he adores me.  He has exerted his dominance and claimed lead position.  I love my Daddy H but in reality, he has so much on his plate that is more important than me and I am not sure it will ever change.  This is a good compromise.  I love them both and Daddy R takes very good care of me.  He is better at nurturing and guiding.  He is infinitely patient, he listens and doesn't get defensive.  He can make me toe the line when it is important.  I truly am a lucky babygirl.  I have two men who love me to death and they know about each other and it's all okay.

I've missed Valentine's Day already and it's late, so I'm off to bed.

Smoochie blows you some kisses.

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

WHAT? WHERE? WHO AM I AGAIN?

Life has been so busy lately.  I mean to write then get sidetracked and when I realize I haven't posted I am too tired and go to bed.  I haven't forgotten this blog and I am sure I will get back to something regular soon.  Until then I will post when I can.

I am feeling especially spacey today.  A year ago, I was going through some very bad anxiety attacks.  You know that feeling you get in the back of your neck and head when you think you might have been caught doing something bad, like when a cop stops you and you wonder if you were speeding or you know you were?  I felt like that 100x over and all day.  It never let up.  I could see how people would want to kill themselves just to make it stop.  I finally went to the doctor and she put me on Zoloft.  The first 4 days kicked my butt.  I couldn't think, couldn't even wake up for the first two days.  I had to call the kids in sick on that Friday because I could not get behind the wheel of a car.  Luckily for me the next three days were a holiday weekend.  After that I thought things were fine.  the doctor told me to stay on it for at least a year and well, it's been a year.

Daddy and Master don't like drugs that mess with the mind and since I was thinking of going off of it anyway, I started to read about tapering off.  I realized I had all kinds of side effects but didn't attribute them to the Zoloft.  Weight gain, I thought it was just one of those cycles where I put on some pounds...ok it was quite a few,  m ore than 20.  My vision has gotten very bad.  I attributed that to old age and diabetes.  Now I read a lot of people have vision problems on this med.  Sometime I find myself at a loss for words or the correct word or I will think of something I need to do and turn to my laptop and poof, can't remember what it was I was doing.  This literally all happens within a split second.  It is time for me to come off the meds.

I only take 50 mg/day so last night I only took 3/4 of a dose and will do so for the next 5-7 days, then reduce it again.  So yeah spacey and tired today but feel like I need to write.

I am also procrastinating.  I got in trouble with Master last night for being impatient.  I can be infinitely patient, unless I am in little mode and guess where I was mentally yesterday?  So I got homework...poop.  I have to write a 500 word essay on why I am impatient.  He will grade me, 75% on content and 25% on grammar and spelling and stuff.  Well little me had to open her mouth.  After all writing is what I do, that and singing.  I said "no problem writing is one of the things I am good at.".  So then he says ok so if you get below 80 then you have to do it all again.  Not a problem right?  THEN he goes on...for every word under 500 I take off 2 points.  OK still not a problem, I can write over 500 words easy.  AND every word OVER 500 I take off 1 point.  Damn.

Master and I are getting very very close.  I am surprised at how fast and deep my feelings are for him.  I still love daddy very very much but Master is right there too and he seems to "get me" more.  He listens better, he is more attentive, I feel like I am one of his priorities.  With Daddy, between work, activism and his show dogs, I feel pushed aside sometimes.  All in all, that part of my life is going well right now.  Kind of spooky, like when does the bomb drop?  I am bad, I know.

I have a show coming up soon and then really do need to write that essay.  You all have a great day and thank you for sticking with me.!

Smoochie sends his love for a good week!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

Life has taken an interesting turn of events lately. No job yet but I've been making a decent amount doing odd jobs here and there.  Time will tell if it will continue and be enough to at least cover all the bills.

I've started back low carbing.  I lost a lot of weight doing Somercize back in 2001, then I got pregnant.  I kept about 75% of the weight off for a long time.  Then about four years ago, I got really sick...":women stuff" but it left me severely anemic.  I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat and sleep.  My weight climbed back up again.

I tried low carb, Somercize,  Weight Watchers, gluten free.  I did all of them religiously for weeks and lost nothing.  Last year, about this time, Daddy and I were having a rough time and I'd go 24-36 hours without eating anything.  I was so depressed and I was having anxiety attacks on top of it all.  I dropped about 25 lbs in three months.  Finally the anxiety got so bad i had to go to the doctor.  She put me on meds.  At the same time, she discovered I was newly diabetic.  So more meds for that.  I am doing well and ready to hop back on the weight loss bandwagon again.

I am dragging the kids with me this time.  They eat entirely too many carbs.  Before you all scream, I am not taking away all their carbs.  Breakfast they eat half at home, half at school.  While they are home they stick with protein.  Ham or turkey and cheese.  I can't control what the school serves but the boys are learning to make better choices.  Chili and cornbread vs corndogs.  Dinner is low carb.  Meats and tons of non starchy veggies.  They were eating about 3-4 cups of rice EACH at dinner time.  I do have whole grain bread, brown rice and sweet potatoes for a touch of carbs on the weekend for them too.  It has been two days now and so far no complaints so we will see how it goes.

The biggest thing that has happened is in my personal life with Daddy.  Those who follow know that Daddy works long hours and sometimes is out in the field and doesn't even have cell phone coverage.  I miss him so much when he's gone and he's gone a LOT.  So we had a talk and he said he was assigning me a babysitter..  His best friend was going to keep me from being lonely and be my protector.  I talk to his best friend from time to time and he's a nice guy so I said okay.  Daddy is afraid he was going to lose me if I was lonely all the time.  He was right, I was thinking about it.  We have spent some quality time together.  I am loving the cuddles and conversation, among other things.  I clear things with Daddy.  He encourages our closeness and it has brought him and I closer too.  So I have my Daddy and I have my Master now.  Daddy is both Daddy and my Master.  Master is my Master and babysitter but NOT my Daddy.

Feeling the Love

I know it's kind of weird and I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't like it but right now, it seems to be working for us.  I am happier, more centered and I feel loved by both of them.

Well bedtime for me.  I think i caught the kid's crud again.

Smoochie waves good night!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C