BA HUMBUG!

Three days until Christmas.  There are no decorations up.  I tell myself it is because we have not found the box that holds the few that are not in my storage unit in California.  Truth is... it doesn't seem like Christmas.

I have been singing Christmas music in my shows since the day after Thanksgiving and I love it but other than that, I do not feel the joy of the season.  Could it be that even though we've moved and I believe we are in a better place, finances are still hard?  There is no money for Christmas this year.  I am thankful we have food and I have a ham in the fridge waiting to be Christmas dinner.  My boys work hard all year, in school they are top notch students.  At home, they do a lot of the work here.  All the heavy lifting is their job.  Groceries, trash, even vacuuming.  I cannot even afford to show them how much I appreciate them.

I think that is only part of it though.  I am feeling so lost and don't know what to do about it.  The little in me is hurt and scared and feeling abandoned.  Daddy H has been working long hours, 80+ a week.  We don't have much contact and my heart misses him.  I miss Daddy/Master connection.  He has no time right now for that.  I, on the other hand, have been feeling very very young.  The result is that I am not handling the ups and downs and the loneliness as well as I should.  He is tired and overworked and so short tempered and snippy.  Makes me wonder what we have sometimes.

It is hard to be in the Christmas spirit when all you want to do is crawl in bed with your stuffie, put your thumb in your mouth and stay there.  The adult me doesn't function well when the little me is this upset.  I wonder if it is like this for others or is there just something wrong with me?