I wish I could get myself to post more often. I need so many things that my mind is really scattered and a lot of times I am so busy jumping from one thing to another that nothing ever gets finished. There are many days I open up a new post page and it sits there, sometimes for days before I shut it down.
Trying to make ends meet is taxing. Making and trying to sell my jewelry, promoting my adult store, picking up odd jobs when I can. Right now working on listing a batch of Disney pins to sell on ebay. I'd like to get some writing done and get my novel out as an ebook but I've been kind of dry for more than 18 months. Even my blog posts are lackluster compared to my old blogs. Unfortunately nothing is bringing in much income at all, so the struggle continues.
On other matters, Boss Daddy has been nearly non existent. I've not "seen" him in almost a month now though he texts a few times a week and calls on occasion. Work just has him so busy and he's out on a job site in the middle of nowhere with little or no cell phone service.
On the other hand, Daddy H has been wonderful lately. He once said he'd never change for anyone. Well he's been doing a lot of changing. He is more considerate, less defensive about everything. He is truly trying harder to make me happy.
We just celebrated two years together. There have been a lot of fights in those two years, a lot of tears too. We separated a few times but were never really apart. We still talked and worried about each other and eventually came back together. I've watched him grow and evolve. Seen him starting to let down his guard. He had put up such a wall around him expecting to get hurt again, thinking he couldn't really trust anyone deep down. It's not all gone but it is wearing down. I get to see over it now and sometimes sit with my legs on his side. That's okay with me. My love for him is unconditional and always will be
If it really is love, you don't stop loving someone because they hurt you. You can not like what they do. You can choose to distance yourself. You never really stop loving them.
Daddy H is teaching me to not worry about the little things. That is a good thing because I worry about everything and with my insecurities, can work myself into a frenzy. We can talk on the phone and everything is perfect then I see something online and 20 min later I'm ranting to him in text. He is learning to calm my fears and so they are getting easier to manage most of the time.
I did it again. Started writing this two days ago and just came back to it. Lost my train of thought so I'll just post this as is.
Oh! As an aside...Robin Williams died yesterday and I don't think I've ever cried for another celebrity like I cried when i found out about him. He was a huge part of our culture as far back as "Mork and Mindy". I saw an interview with him once and he said something about how in his mind the voices are always talking, much like he does when he rattled on and on. We think it's funny but to have that in your head all the time....? Anyway RIP and thank you for all the smiles and happiness you brought to us.
Smoochie says "You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
Go out and do something brilliant today.
*: (=’ :’) :*
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