HANGING ON

I'm down with the crud again.  I guess it could be allergies but it feels like the crud.  Kids didn't get sick this time though.  I feel like I am breathing underwater. I will have to hit the doctor in a couple of days if this keeps up.

Life.  So life has been interesting.  The struggle to survive continues.  Bills get paid mostly.  I do have a storage unit that i have had for the last 5 years that I cannot afford to pay for.  It is in California and I can't afford to have the things shipped to me either so my guess is that I will lose everything in it.  Most of the stuff I don't care about.  The kids' old toys, some household decorations, a few pieces of artwork.  I am hoping someone will go and grab the bins of pictures though.  Pictures of my daughter when she was young and of the boys.  Old friends, keepsakes...that sort of thing.  I asked my sister to go or to send one of my nephews but they have been too busy the past few weeks.  I'm hoping soon and before the place locks them out.

The daddies are doing well.  Boss Daddy is nearly well but first was playing catch up at work after having been out with pneumonia, then the storms hit and they have been scrambling to make repairs and stuff. I miss him as I don't get to see him very often.  We text and he calls every few days if he can.

Daddy H and I still have this volatile relationship.  When things are good they are really really good and when they are not good, well, it plain sucks.  He has been putting in more of an effort sometimes.  I've watched him grow and change a bit.  At the same time, he has periods where I become nearly non existent.  He will send me IM's online but I don't get to "see" him or spend one-on-one time with him.  We are in one of those periods now.  I told him last night that we could stay friends but he needed to let me go.  He said no.  That is the very very short story.  We argued for over five hours.  He finally conceded that he neded to make a bigger effort and that things needed to change , at least a little. So we will see.  I love him, deeply, so I am willing to give him another chance as long as we are moving forward and not backward.

Recently I have gotten several PM's at Fetlife.  While the occasional one is polite and respectful there are others there who need a lesson in etiquette.  To them I have posted two new pages.  You can find them here and here.  They are some things that need to be said given some recent occurrences.

That is a lot of writing for one day!  PHew!  I am out for now.

Smoochie sends some loving your way!


::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...

Well some things are going well indeed and other things just suck.  Still not been able to find work and my accounts are empty.  I'm stressing so badly and now sure how I'm covering this coming month's bills.  The state sent me a nice little letter about having no car insurance.  WTH?  I'm behind like a month in payments but don't think the company has terminated me yet.  Matter of fact, they just sent me a ne notice and new cards.  Problem is when they call the company to verify, not sure what they will be told so I need to find a way to cover last month and this month's bills too.

I've been thinking about this whole phone sex thing.  I wouldn't mind doing it and supposedly you can bring in some good money.  I've been told I have a sexy bedroom type of voice.  Of course nothing can be simple for me.  The two top reputable companies both require what they call "a landline" phone.  I know this means one that plugs into the phone jack and not the digital one I have from Vonage.  The hurdle I've run into is that I have not been able to find out who does that type of phone service here in this town.  Everything I look up is digital.  Time Warner, ATT, Verizon, Grande...they all offer digital phone service.  I even called the apartment office here and asked and they don't know either.  I am waiting for an email back from the phone sex companies but who knows how long that will be?

I just celebrated my 23rd birthday (for the 32nd time).  Sucks getting older.  My mom said, "Oh my you are catching up to me!"  Thanks Mom.  I got to see my Daddies for maybe 10 minutes each.  One is out of town for work and the other is still sick but playing catch up at work too for all the time he missed.  My sister sent a text, well one of them did.  the other I think is still in China but she typically wouldn't say anything even if she wasn't.  I got to talk to my daughter on Skype which was nice.  My boys are so sweet, they both made me cards, all on their own.  All together it was a pretty ordinary day.  Except for dinner!  I made this....



It was wonderful, I even cheated a bit and had a little rice.  The rice wasn't as good as I thought it would be so I didn't eat it all or have seconds.  They boys enjoyed theirs though.  My youngest has dropped 18 lbs and the oldest about 15 lbs.  So now I'm teaching them moderation.

I am tired but want to post something so I'm cutting this short due to lack of thinking.

Smoochie says for me to go to bed!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

First I want to say...

HAPPY BELATED GIRLS DAY!

Wow I really lost track of the time here.  Didn't realize it has been so long since I've posted.  Life has just been busy I guess.  All my social media was ignored for at least 4 days.  I got a lot done though.  Refrigerator and freezer are stuffed to the gills  We only need to go out for milk, ice and to refill our bottled water.

Bottled water.  Ok here is a small rant.  When I was living in Arizona there were water and ice stores all over the place.  You could refill your large water containers with pure water run through a reverse osmosis system (important for taking the fluoride out) and usually buy some ice cream or other frozen treat.  they were relatively inexpensive, like a buck for 5 gallons of water.  The tap water in AZ wasn't too bad.  I would run it through a Brita and it was fine to drink but Daddy says no fluoride.  Here where we are, even when I run the water through the filter pitcher, it has all kinds of crud in it.  I made the kids stop drinking it.  That said there are two...2...TWO  places to refill your water containers here!  They are both within a mile of each other on the other side of town.  Lately one or both have been out of order when I go to refill, meaning I have to buy already bottled water at nearly a buck a gallon!  Sighs, makes no sense.  If i had money I'd think about opening one of those water stores here.  Ok end of rant.

I might pay a bit extra for these in my glass too!

I found out that my performing alter ego's website has been taken down.  She was lucky enough to be able to piggyback off someone else's site but I guess they decided not to renew.  So I have been checking into various web hosting sites and finally decided on one.  I am now the owner of two of my own domains but need to get to work to build the sites.  I am not nor have ever been trained in website design or programming.  I am self taught and so will be doing this by trail and error.  One site is for my performing and writing.  I sing and write under different names although my fans know both of them.  The other site is for me personally.  I will move my virtual assistant site there and I am looking at opening an Etsy shop and will make an extension on my own site for some things.  I guess I need to read Etsy's policies first.  That has kept me busy the last few days.

Today we finally got all our new cell phones also.  Yay no more horrendous bills!  So of course we had to program contacts and download all the apps.  It is the boys' first smart phone and they are going nuts but they had to learn to use them today.  If you are not a huge user, check out Zact.com.  I am impressed by their structure.  It is inexpensive and you only pay for what you use pretty much.  I am saving at least $100/mo off my bill and we now have 3 smart phones.  Yay us!

Good thing I've been busy because my Daddies have not been around much the last few days.  They had a good friend pass last week.  He was young, only 27 years old and they think it was a blood clot that migrated from his leg to his heart.  So they have been busy with the arrangements and taking care of the family then the wake this weekend.  To make things worse they are both sick with some stomach crud.  So I've seen and heard very little from them.  I miss them.  Yeah I'm high maintenance in that regard.  I require frequent contact and reassurance.

Ok I've procrastinated enough.  I was supposed to start looking at building my site but it's almost 2 am.  I guess I'll take a quick look then head to bed.

Smoochie says to get my butt in there because it is FREEZING!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

Life has taken an interesting turn of events lately. No job yet but I've been making a decent amount doing odd jobs here and there.  Time will tell if it will continue and be enough to at least cover all the bills.

I've started back low carbing.  I lost a lot of weight doing Somercize back in 2001, then I got pregnant.  I kept about 75% of the weight off for a long time.  Then about four years ago, I got really sick...":women stuff" but it left me severely anemic.  I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat and sleep.  My weight climbed back up again.

I tried low carb, Somercize,  Weight Watchers, gluten free.  I did all of them religiously for weeks and lost nothing.  Last year, about this time, Daddy and I were having a rough time and I'd go 24-36 hours without eating anything.  I was so depressed and I was having anxiety attacks on top of it all.  I dropped about 25 lbs in three months.  Finally the anxiety got so bad i had to go to the doctor.  She put me on meds.  At the same time, she discovered I was newly diabetic.  So more meds for that.  I am doing well and ready to hop back on the weight loss bandwagon again.

I am dragging the kids with me this time.  They eat entirely too many carbs.  Before you all scream, I am not taking away all their carbs.  Breakfast they eat half at home, half at school.  While they are home they stick with protein.  Ham or turkey and cheese.  I can't control what the school serves but the boys are learning to make better choices.  Chili and cornbread vs corndogs.  Dinner is low carb.  Meats and tons of non starchy veggies.  They were eating about 3-4 cups of rice EACH at dinner time.  I do have whole grain bread, brown rice and sweet potatoes for a touch of carbs on the weekend for them too.  It has been two days now and so far no complaints so we will see how it goes.

The biggest thing that has happened is in my personal life with Daddy.  Those who follow know that Daddy works long hours and sometimes is out in the field and doesn't even have cell phone coverage.  I miss him so much when he's gone and he's gone a LOT.  So we had a talk and he said he was assigning me a babysitter..  His best friend was going to keep me from being lonely and be my protector.  I talk to his best friend from time to time and he's a nice guy so I said okay.  Daddy is afraid he was going to lose me if I was lonely all the time.  He was right, I was thinking about it.  We have spent some quality time together.  I am loving the cuddles and conversation, among other things.  I clear things with Daddy.  He encourages our closeness and it has brought him and I closer too.  So I have my Daddy and I have my Master now.  Daddy is both Daddy and my Master.  Master is my Master and babysitter but NOT my Daddy.

Feeling the Love

I know it's kind of weird and I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't like it but right now, it seems to be working for us.  I am happier, more centered and I feel loved by both of them.

Well bedtime for me.  I think i caught the kid's crud again.

Smoochie waves good night!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

10 - 1 = NOT A LOT OF FUN

It is not my usual post date but of course I feel the need to write tonight.

So nearly a year ago Daddy and I were talking and the conversation got around to shaving down "there".  Now I am an older woman (my two sons could be my grandchildren) and I am uber curvy to boot so I had never dared to shave my kitty.  Of course Daddy being Daddy he insisted.  I shave my legs like twice a year.  I only have 3 or 4 hairs near my ankles on each side.  So I had to go out and get good razors and shave cream and moisturizer.

I carry all my weight in my tummy so I have to shave blind.  I do it all by feel.  to make it worse, I think my arms are shorter than average because I can only reach with one arm at a time.  It wasn't fun nor pretty.  I cut myself in a few places then in bed that night I was feeling my hairless puss and discovered it wasn't as hairless as I had thought.

Over the months I've gotten better but could still never get it all and it grows back so fast.  I would love to get it waxed but like I can afford that?  Not.  Lucky for me I was on Fetlife and they were talking about waxing and someone mentioned sugaring.  I Googled it...what else?  I found a lot of Youtubes showing how it is done and how to make your own.  Bingo!




So today I tried it.  Mixed sugar, water, salt, and lemon juice and cooked it.  Did what it showed on the video.  Poured it out and cooled it.  Hmmm still the consistency of molasses.  Put what I could back in the pan and then cooked it some more.  Poured and cooled again.  Oh now we are getting somewhere!

Got it into a ball and started to work it, keeping my hands wet.  It got softer and softer and softer until it slid right through my fingers.  Sighs again.  Poured the whole thing down the sink.

By now the kitchen was starting to get a bit sticky everywhere but thoughts of a smooth hairless kitty kept tempting me so I gave it one more go.  Used a little less water and lemon juice this time.  Poured it into the pan and let it sit for a bit.  Started scooping it into a ball.  Secret to keeping your hands wet...just wet the tips of your fingers and rub that over your hand.  Work it good and keep transferring it hand to hand because it is still HOT!

Put it into a small bowl and took it to my desk.  Tried it on my underarms and then face.  Took some of the hair off.  I had to play a while to figure out the right consistency.  I had put some in a small dish like they use for soy sauce when you eat sushi.  When it got cold I would microwave it for 10 seconds to soften it up again.  I finally got the hang of it and was happily reclined on my bed slapping carmelized sugar on my privates. It wasn't too painful and i was impressed that the hair was coming off.  The trips back and forth to the microwave got tedious though.

After a while I decided I wanted to throw away the part I was using and get a new piece so I stuck the bigger bowl in the microwave and put it on the same 10 seconds.  Took it out and gingerly touched it and DAMN!  Put my index finger right into liquid molten sugar!  I stuck my finger under cold water then on a chunk of ice in the freezer.  It hurt like hell for like 2 minutes, then it stopped.  Not a good sign.  I went back to finishing my wax job.  When I was done I was mostly hairless, sticky from head to toe and had a huge blister on my right index finger, the finger I use the most.

My finger..that is a blister!

It did start to hurt later around the edges but not on the burn itself.  I did get to whine to Daddy who was properly saddened by the fact I was hurt.  I am also learning to type with only 9 fingers.

On a funnier note, my son came home from school and seeing the bowl on my desk asked what it was.  I told him sugaring wax to take the hair off like my eyebrows.  He asked what was in it and when I told him he said, "Does it taste good and can I have it for snack?"

So that is my sad story for the day.  I will try this sugaring thing again and see how it goes next time.

Smoochie is ready to snuggle with me so good night!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

GOING WITH THE FLOW

Poor Daddy is sick...again.  He was at the hospital last night.  I guess they have some nasty respiratory thing going around and he needed a breathing treatment.  They work him to death.  He never gets a chance just to rest and get well.  I did get to talk to him for a little bit today when he got home.  After that he said he was going to bed.

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Day and the kids were out of school.  Their sister had bought them an annual pass for the aquarium for Christmas so we went to check it out..

It was really tiny but they had some interesting exhibits.  We love aquariums and visit as many as we can.  It made for a nice hour.  They just opened this one before Christmas so there are things still not there yet.  The seals (my son's favorite) and the otters won't be in until the spring, so we have those to look forward to.

I took some video before I ran out of memory on my card.  These are my absolute favorites, the moon jellies, and this is my favorite song in the whole world.



Afterwards they went shopping in the little gift shop there and spent some of the money they got for Christmas.  We got back to the car and they had a pressie for me!  Smoochie has a friend now although we haven't named him/her yet.

I spent the day working on some Ebay listings.  I found some old maternity clothes I had .  When  I sold the rest I made more than I paid for some of them, so I am hoping that will be the case here.  After that I have some clothes the kids grew out of.  Then I have a bunch of brand new, tags still on, plus size clothing I will go through and sell.

Right now though, this tired little girl is going to bed.

Smoochie and his friend wish you pleasant dreams!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

WARM DAYS AND CUPPYCAKES

Life has been good lately, not great but good.  There is still a stack of bills sitting here that I don't know how I'm going to pay.  There have been no legitimate callbacks on all the resumes I sent out.  However, weather has been warmer, Daddy and I have been good and I feel happier and more productive now.

I received the mock-up for my story in that new adult magazine and it looks good.  They said it will go both online and in the physical version.  I am so excited!  I hope this turns out to bring in a little side money and more traffic and interest to my writing site.  I am going to be working on a couple of novellas for release on Amazon.  I'd like to get that out there before I finish off my novel and put that out for sale there too.

I will admit, I can be flighty.  I get bored doing the same things all the time.  I figure if I have a number of different types of jobs then things will never always be the same.  So I have my transcription I do for that NY Times best selling author, I have my own writing, the articles for the adult magazine, and I'm working on a connection with a content creation company to write website content.  Then I have my singing, I am gearing up to record audiobooks, and lately I have an urge to be artfully creative.  I'd love to make jewelry or maybe sew plus size... something.  I would need a basic sewing machine though and supplies for either or both.  Then I could open an etsy shop.  I am gearing up to start ebaying again too.  If I can find an occasional contract doing website design then that would be awesome too.  A lot of little jobs that all add up to something substantial.

That would suit me wonderfully!  I could stay home and work.  On the days I feel especially little, I can still work but can also wear my pj's or the Hello Kitty rings I got off the cupcakes we had tonight...

20 min later....

I'm back!  I got sidetracked with an idea and spent some time thinking about that.  I sometimes get distracted easily.  One day I should do a post and put down what has happened between the lines or paragraphs that I write.

 “if you cant handle a needy "little girl" do you deserve to be called a daddy dom?” 

Anyway, I was reading a thread on Fetlife last night.  It was asking if people thought the above quote was true.  I was reading through the posts and I remembered something.  When I met the man who would turn out to be my first Master, we talked about kneeling.  I told him that I viewed it as cold and impersonal.  Most of the time the sub was kneeling and the Dom was either standing or sitting in front of her but there was no physical touch involved and that is what made me feel like that.  Not knowing I was a little back then I never understood why.  Even now, I will kneel but it is out of respect and because Master likes it.  It doesn't make me feel especially sub.  Let me sit in your lap or sit at your feet and hug your leg or pet my head and I will slide toward subspace.  I guess the little in me needs to know he is not only there but that he is there for ME.

It was pretty deep thought for 3 am!  It is almost that here now again.  So I will leave you with a picture of our dessert tonight!  I get all the Hello Kitty rings!  I did give them a choice of Hello Kitty or Pokemon and they chose Hello Kitty.  My boys love me!

Mine and mine and that's mine and this one is mine too and....

Smoochie sends good night smooches!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD

First of all  thank you everyone who has stopped by lately to listen to me whine and a special thank you to those who left comments.  It means a lot to me so know it is appreciated.

Things are better.  I'm feeling better although I've done a lot of sleeping the last couple of days.  Probably just catch up though, I keep weird hours.  I'll get an idea into my head and start doing things and before I know it three or four hours have passed and the sun is almost ready to come up.  It didn't help that we had that arctic vortex come down and it was cold as all get out and my bedroom always seems to be at least 10 degrees colder than the rest of the house.  I love it once I warm up and fall asleep.

I got excited for a few hours after I received an email in answer to a resume I had sent out.  They wanted me to call their HR manager and set up an interview.  I cheered a little and then did some research on the company.  Another MLM but this time I had gotten the lead from a legitimate job posting site not Craigslist.  That sucked

Daddy and I had a talk last night and this morning.  I think he is starting to understand my need  for him to set up rules and tasks so that I feel connected to him when he's really busy.  He did say he'd join me at my other blog, one I set up just for me and him.  This way I can "talk" to him, tell him about my day, my fears, my triumphs and he can read when he's got time even if it's 4am.  He can leave answers too that I can pick up later.  He knows I sleep with my phone so if he texts or sends me an email or an IM in messenger I wake up.  We will see how that works out.  I am hoping eventually he becomes quite vocal about it and I love that it will be "written down" so I can go back and reread the parts I love.

I am trying to connect more with people who understand or at least accept the dynamic I have with him.  even if it is just lurking, I find that I learn things and that I am not the only one who feels the way I do.  I have this blog and my Facebook page, my twitter and I've been checking out tumblr too.  Next place will be Pinterest I guess, I remember when it first started.  I should have joined back then but who knew?

So here's a question.  Those of you who identify as baby girls or littles and have children of your own, do you let your little out with them?  The more I accept myself being the way I am, the more readily my little comes out to visit.  I am still Mama, my word is still law but sometimes, when I'm happy or sick or fixated on something then it comes out around my kids.  They don't care, they seem to love it but they are very nurturing toward me anyway.  Like the other day I was looking for a new toothbrush holder.  Mine got lost during the move and we were shopping and all of a sudden I had to have a Hello Kitty one.  They had one that I didn't like much and it was expensive but I had it stuck in my head that it had to be that.  So we spent the next 40 minutes wandering around trying to figure out what I could use.  Of course I had to have it then, it wasn't something that could wait.  They were patient even though they were starving and even helped me decide what to do.  This is the finished result.  Not Hello Kitty after all but cute and sparkly and didn't cost me an arm and a leg.

No Hello Kitty but I see Winnie and Minnie!

Anyway, here I go again, it's after 4 am.  I'd better get to bed.

Smoochie says sweet dreams!

::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C