I AM IN HERE...SOMEWHERE

I am down to half a dose of my Zoloft.  Been in a sort of haze the last few days.  Headache-y and unable to concentrate on anything for very long.  I just had a horrible thought.  What if it's not withdrawal but turns out to be a permanent thing because I'm not on the meds any more?  I haven't been able to do any appreciable work the last few days, even writing this blog is hard.

LOL. I started writing this 12 hours ago and then wandered away from it.

I had a melt down tonight.  It was a rough day, I was feeling overwhelmed and lonely.  Daddy H came online but when i tried to talk to him, he answered but you could tell he was distracted.  I decided to step outside my comfort zone and attend a discussion group in Second Life.  Well it wouldn't let me kn because I had too many scripts (for those that don't know, scripts are the coding that makes things do things and the more you have it causes lag)  I couldn't get them down low enough so I just left.  Tried Daddy H again but felt i got the brush off again.  So what do I do?  I yelled at him, stomped my feet and in no uncertain terms told him I was unhappy.  I was feeling about 3 years old.  Daddy R was working late and hadn't gotten home yet.   I was not a happy camper and was letting them know I wasn't.

Daddy R has actually taken over and he is boss now.  I can talk to Daddy H and snuggle but no playing (as in sex) with him.  Daddy R is mad because Daddy H keeps upsetting me and so he banned him from playing for now until he earns his way back.  He was not a happy camper but understood why and said he'd do the same if the tables were turned.  I told the two of them to work it out and let me know but don't put me in the middle.

Daddy R eventually came home and heard I was upset  so he came online.  We talked and he reminded me that he loved, wanted, needed and craved me (his words).  We discussed my issues and he assured me he wasn't any of the former men in my life and he wouldn't act like them  He reaffirmed that i was his and that he would be there for me and together we'd work through the fears and walls I have.  He also gave me homework.  I need to read and write a report about alternate natural methods to fight anxiety, then he kissed away the tears and said good night because he had to be up in 4 hours.

So here I am calmer and feeling a bit warm and fuzzy.  It is funny, daytime I can barely function but at night I have insomnia.  I sure hope this all goes away when I'm off the Zoloft for good.  I should be completely off in another 2 weeks or so.  I love my Daddies, both of them, but especially Daddy R.  I have never felt so loved and protected in my life.

I am going to watch a bit of my KDrama (Queen Class) and hopefully get tired enough to go to bed.  Can't wait to see Daddy again tomorrow!

Smoochie says he will introduce you to his new friend next time!

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•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C