ISSUES

Life has been interesting.  Some days harder than others.  I tend to worry and internalize things.  That is probably the reason I seldom sleep well.  If someone I care about is upset I automatically start thinking about ways I might have caused or added to that.

My father and I have not been on speaking terms for a few years.  When I decided I wanted to divorce my husband, he told me that I was nuts and that i should stay with him just because he made decent money.  Then he said he would lend me the money to pay for the attorney to help me keep my children but I would have to go to psychiatric counseling to find out what was wrong with me that I had wanted to be a stay at home mother all those years instead of having a career.  He also said that he was sure I would never amount to anything in my life.  I walked out.  He then proceeded to lie and help my ex get custody of the kids to "teach me a lesson". 

Father Issues, Daddy Issues...You Don't Even Want To Know!

I did try to make up a couple of years later and was squashed under his heel again.  I vowed never to do it again.  Well it's been over four years so I sent him an email letting him know how the kids were and what our plans were.  I did get an email back.  It was kind of a ..".good to hear the kids are doing well...good luck.. don't call me..I'll call you"...kind of email.  Shrugs.  Why do I even try?  Nothing I have ever done, no matter how well, has ever pleased him.

An old friend has returned to my life lately.  He never really left but sometimes communication would be few and far between.  He's back to making more regular appearances.  I adore this man, he has always been very good to me.  He was there for me during my whole divorce and some bad times after that and I owe him a lot.  He is not Dom by any means.  He is actually rather vanilla by my tastes but I enjoy his company tremendously.  He is romantic and caring and just wants to spend time together whether it be dancing and talking or watching movies.  I'm glad he's back.  It makes my life less lonely.

Daddy H. and I have finally been having some talks.  I am still wary and taking things slow.  Some of my other male friends keep telling me I can't go back to him.  They also say that they are there for me and will always take care of me but they never talk to me and they are to busy in their own relationships to care what is happening with me.  Makes me feel rejected sometimes.  Anyway, Daddy H. and I are working through issues little by little.  I think he is surprised I didn't jump at the chance to get back together and is realizing that we do need to talk and take care of some things first.

I should try and get some sleep, I need to be up in three hours.

Smoochie says good night!

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