 |
| YET |
I've met a man too and we've been spending time together. He is definitely a Dom but never thought of himself as a Daddy Dom. He has all the traits and he treats me very well. He is even tempered, kind and nurturing. He takes interest in what I am doing and asks how my day went. He questions me on my plans and what I have done to move them forward and he makes suggestions about them. He is free with praise and tells me he is proud of me. He is possessive and protective and wants to guide me into being better in every way. He is also controlling and strict but fair and I know where I stand and what I need to do to make him happy, which makes my life easier and less stressful. I have reined back the little in me just a bit, but when I do let her out he seems amused and I can make him laugh. Everything I could wish for ... almost.
The problem is, even though he wants monogamy, he sees me as a possession not as someone to love like a partner. I'm not sure that sits well with me. My need to be loved is so strong. It probably overrides every single other need I have. While it seems that he can give me everything else I want, that need leaves a nagging doubt in my mind. I am still mulling over what I should do, taking my time and not making any promises or commitments right now.
I am feeling exceptionally little tonight. Lonely, hurt and confused.
I was talking to a friend who lives near where I'm moving. I adore this man and we are dear and close friends. I asked him if he had any other suggestions about finding private rentals down that way besides craigslist. I didn't know if there were local publications or something. He started telling me I was an irresponsible parent and that I couldn't just move my kids like that without knowing what I was doing. It is a risk sure but staying here is a losing proposition. At least there we have a fresh start, the economy is better and there are more jobs, especially for my skills. He cut me very deeply and i cried most of the night.
Why do the men in my life do this? Why is it that their way is the only right way? Here I am trying to make a better life for myself, for my children and I get slammed for trying. He probably doesn't think he did anything wrong but I hurt so much. Who is he to judge me and my decisions? Just because it is not the way he would do things doesn't mean that I am wrong for doing them. Friends (and family) are supposed to support you no matter what. You don't hurt people you care about like that. You dont make them feel worthless and stupid and selfish, not when they are trying so hard to pull themselves up.
I just want someone to hold me right now but there isn't anyone here to do that. So it is just Smoochie and I tonight.
Smoochie says good bye for now.
::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`» Baby C
.png)
0 comments:
Post a Comment