CAN'T SMILE WITHOUT YOU

I'e been dealing with life here.  Financial life has not gotten any better.  I am still looking for work or something so the battle still rages there.

I have been attending discussions groups online.  Searching for?  I am not really sure.  Insight I guess.  Ways to keep connected.  Some places, if you are new, they barely recognize you are there.  Questions or comments are ignored.  Other places welcome you with open arms.  In some groups I am very vocal.  In others I just listen.

Overall I like the sub lead discussions the best.  The subs are warmer and more inviting and less intimidating I guess.  I am always worried about insulting people.  I am of the belief that just because you call yourself a Dom/me does not mean that I have to address you any differently than I address the general population.  I don't need to call you "Sir" or "Miss" unless I feel you have earned that title.  I don't even call my Daddies Sir.  I know that annoys some people and since I do not want to offend those who own or manage the groups, I just keep quiet sometimes.

That said, I have discovered one Dominant whose talks I enjoy.  This one is a woman but to me she is very open, very warm and stresses the fact that her way is not necessarily the right way for everyone.  She's funny and vocal and her girls seem to love and respect her.  They are equally vocal and it is fun to watch the interaction between them.

Attending these events have lead to some soul searching though.  One of them actually left me hurt and in tears.  All my life I have felt like I don't fit in.  Everyone says you have to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with anyone.  I never felt that.  I am never happy by myself.  When I discovered the D/s lifestyle everything finally clicked into place.  What makes me happy is making someone else happy.  I live to serve.  It finally dawned on me that it was okay to feel this way.  It was okay to want to give responsibility over to someone else.  As part of all that, I worry and I fret a lot.  I get stressed about everything and when things get out of hand for me, I need a hug or to hear Daddy's voice.

The discussion was about resilience as a sub.  The question was "How do you approach your Dominant about something that makes you feel bad and how do you get over it?"  I responded that it was different for every couple and for me being in Daddy's lap led to talking about it and then getting over the hurt/anxiety/stress.  Another gal after me said that one had to find a way to self soothe and having your Dom help was just an indication of not having a healthy relationship and that person should not be in a relationship at all.  Wrong thing to say to this worry wart.

So I was questioning whether I should be with my Daddies at all.  I am emotional.  I have a lot of baggage.  As a sub, they are my shelter in the storm.  If I keep things in am I not being totally honest with them?  Not only that, I trust their insights.  Babygirls especially need their Daddies to do for them what they can't sometimes.  If I am upset and left to myself that upset grows and grows  and soon I'm in a full blown tantrum and thinking that I need to get rid of everything and everyone in my life.

Another question that has popped up from these discussions has been the issue of Babygirl vs slave.  I understand babygirl.  I am babygirl no matter what, it is part of my personality and makeup.  I can be babygirl with someone or by myself.  Slave, however, requires a Master.  Being slave is defined by his guidelines and expectations for and about me.  Since Boss Daddy has been so busy, We've sort of lost that and I am missing it very badly.  I am not sure what defines me as slave right now.  Boss Daddy says things are setting down at work and he will be around more now so hopefully this will resolve itself.  I am tired of feeling lost all the time.        

That said, I started new Facebook page hoping to connect with others who are in LDRs.  Please come join us and share.  Or if you can pass the link on to others who might be interested I'd appreciate it.

https://www.facebook.com/longdistanceds

Also don't forget our other page for the babygirls in all of us.

https://www.facebook.com/Discoveringdaddysgirl                                                                                                                                                                                                                         It is nearly 4 am here and I am falling asleep at my computer.  I'd better go before I get a spanking.

Smoochie says "sleep well"

                                                                                                                                        
::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»   Baby C

"Cant Smile Without You" by Barry Manilow