The good news is that Daddy found a job and he's going to be moving closer to me! A little over an hour away now! Yay!!!!! *does the happy dance* I will get to see him way more often and we can finally start the next part of our journey...finding out if we are compatible in the real world too.
Things have been like a roller coaster. Thanksgiving is always hectic. Put that together with my oldest son being sick since school started and me getting really sick the weekend before and it was a recipe for disaster. Thanksgiving day itself was actually pretty good. We don't have TV but Daddy found a place online where I could watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Even though we could never sync it to be watching the same thing at the same time, we at least got to talk about it and I got to see some of my favorite balloons including the hippo and Pikachu!
My younger son set the oven 100 degrees too high for the turkey. After the first hour, the outside was looking done and I was thinking WTH? We turned it down 25 degrees lower than it was supposed to be and to be honest, it was probably the juiciest turkey I've ever had. So he was redeemed.
Anyway, I was sick and couldn't talk for nearly a week. It was almost 2 weeks before I began to sound normal. My left ankle was bothering me and my right foot was swollen and I was in extreme pain and having to take my prescription meds, which I hate. They make me weird and plain cranky. Frustration set in and Daddy and I had a HUGE...MAJOR...EARTHSHAKING... blow up with each other this past weekend. Saturday was the most miserable day I've had in years. I was shrill and upset and basically being a b**ch to him. He was major grumpy and yelling and screaming and swearing.
This went on ALL day, from mid-morning until we finally both went to bed at 3 am. Even after we made up, I still felt raw and "off". I felt like something was really broken this time and didn't know what so didn't know how to fix it. Sunday was a day full of anxiety and panic for me.
We have been talking and we've started something we call "coffeetime". In the morning, usually, we spend time together online planning our day and stuff. One of the things we are also doing is that I read to him. Right now we are reading from "The Five Love Languages". I read out loud and then we discuss the chapter I've read and how it applies to us.
Yesterday was eye opening for me. The topic was being "in love" vs "loving someone". "In love" is the euphoric feeling a good new relationship brings. You would do anything for the other person and they are perfect for you. Things come easily and naturally. You go out of your way, whether you realize it or not, to put your good side forward. Some call it the "honeymoon stage"
Daddy and I have been in a relationship most of 3.5 years now. That euphoric feeling is fading some. We tend to do more just talking and cuddling and being together than the raw passionate, intimate stuff. S--E--X, for those that need it spelled out. Worry wart that I am, I have been mulling over this (and not in a good way). I was of the mind that it is "In love" then "falling out of love". Was daddy falling out of love with me? Was I now boring him because we knew each other so well?
In the book it says when the "in love" period is over then we have two choices...leave the relationship or work at it. This is when it takes a conscious effort to make the other person happy. You don't always do it because YOU want it or it benefits you but simply because it makes them happy and you love them enough to do that for them. I've seen such a change in Daddy in the last year but mostly in the last 6-8 months. He tries so hard. He listens. He more readily apologizes. He's not always so defensive right out of the gate. He makes concessions that I know he isn't 100% happy about but can live with because it makes ME happy. He's also taken more of an interest in MY well being too. Rules are set that simply benefit and encourage ME.
A lot of our fights are because of my insecurities. This gave me a whole new perspective on us. He's not falling out of love with me! He loves me...period. He's trying to make things right. He's trying to put a good strong foundation in place so as we move to being more together and physically in the same place, we have a fighting chance at making this work. That bit of knowledge freed up a lot of anxiety for me. It's not all gone but a good portion of it is.
So Daddy (he's taken to finally reading what I write too) thank you and I love you. Things aren't perfect and I know they never will be. I don't think I want them to be because we'd be bored. LOL It makes my heart happy that you love me enough to try so hard.
He never gives up on me! Oh! And with HIS encouragement, I'm down 7 lbs! Not a huge change yet for me but moving in the right direction!
Smoochie says he likes it when I'm happy.
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*: (=’ :’) :*
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